I sit here everyday saying to myself what is my purpose in life? I can genuinely say I'm one of those people that has an idea, or at least a small assumption about what it is that I want to accomplish. I just want to live a life where I don't have to worry about just getting by. It's not even about being famous, or known by the world. Honestly all I want to do is matter, and have someone say I gave it my very all. I always hear people over use the phrase "it's not what you know, it's who you know". Well how about knowing people who know people that can genuinely change your life, but don't care how far you'll go because it isn't beneficial to them? Sometimes it isn't enough to know people, it's about making your OWN mark in the world. Being able to look in the mirror, and say to the person in it how proud you are of them. I would much rather create my own path however long it takes me, then accept a "handout" from any individual.
I'm sure someone probably disagrees with this thought process, but it's a method to my madness. When you do something yourself you feel a certain high, its like you moved a mountain that couldn't be budged. It's as though you accomplished what couldn't be done, or at least what people told you couldn't be. Now when someone is "helping you out" you feel like you owe them something. Even if that person swears up and down that they've "got you", remember NOBODY does something for nothing. Now I know a few people who genuinely help other because they like to see others progress. However, everyone won't take on this selfless act. People are fickle, they're like a jealous child that wants to be the favorite. Most people don't want to see you do better then they are. They would much rather see you fail unfortunately.
Maybe I'm being pessimistic, or maybe I'm just speaking from my own experiences from the short twenty-three years I've been living. Either way you take it that's just how I see it. Imagine how I feel seeing my peers who appear to be doing better than I am. Having conversations with individuals who I went to school with telling me all they're accomplishing, while I seem to stay the same. These people aren't wealthy or even famous, but it's like they have it all. I use that in a figurative sense not a literal, but it's as though they are almost at their peak. I try my hardest to be successful, but its like God is telling me it isn't my time just yet. Then the people around me seem to continue to become even larger then life almost, or maybe that's just my over active imagination.
I feel like I'm at the brink in life where every move I make can mold me or fold me. If I could be honest I think I'm fearful of success, because I'm worried about people changing around me. I don't want people who I care about to view me in the manner where I'm almost "larger than life". I genuinely see myself as regular Derrick, nothing special or unique. What I do know is my heart is always in the right place and I believe in those around me. I just want EVERYBODY to be the best they could possibly be for themselves. Enjoying their lives and being whole people in this unforgiving world. Being able to make the mark, and reaching unheard pinnacles others said couldn't be done. That's all I sincerely want for those around me, but do they want the same?
Questions like that go through my head often. I can admit I over think a lot, sometimes I even look to deep into situations; however that's what makes me who I am. I feel like for a long time now I'm comfortable in my own skin, I accept the man in the mirror looking back at me, and I smile. I didn't conform myself to fit anyone else's persona, I stuck to my own beliefs. I feel if more people did this they would have a huge weight lifted off them. God only knows what's next for me in this ever changing universe I'm blessed to be apart of. I may not know everything, but what I do know is time waits for no man. I'm not saying success should be rushed, or strike while the iron is hot. All those cliches never worked for me honestly.
What I will say is prayer, hard work, dedication and awhole lot of tenacity can make you do ANYTHING...if you just BELIEVE that it can. Life is a never ending rollercoaster, it has ups & it definitely has its downs too, but feeling sorry for yourself won't change your present situation. Albert Einstein said it best when he said "in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." So with that being said why not start today!
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