I don't believe in fairy tales, or happy endings. I believe in real life circumstances and at times I believe in faith. My mind is like a bottomless pit that never seems to sleep or turnoff. Its almost as though my mind has a mind of its own if that makes any sense. I live in a community where people can care less about how intelligent or intellectual you are. You're expected to either sell drugs, play ball, be a father or be in prison for the rest of your life. I look outside and see babies having babies and children younger then I am pushing strollers. I head to the store and see people use their welfare cards to purchase things, because they can't even afford enough just to get by. Females I thought were sexy when I was younger, and never gave me the time or the day now push strollers of babies who can barely even speak; I look at their stomachs and now they're expecting another one.
Each and every time I walk outside I see the same people in front of my building selling drugs. Pretending as though they are just hanging out talking about the good old days. What's even crazier is the kids look up to these people like a hero. It's unfortunate when your heroes are individuals who poison the community, with drugs they distribute to feed their families with. The drug dealers then say they sell because they've been locked up so many times, they can't even get a good job because no one will hire a convicted felon. Seems like everyone doesn't really want to be where they are, but have to do what's necessary. This is what MY community consists of, but I'm wrong to want to leave it? I refuse to be just another statistic. A poor black boy who's father left him, so he blames the world for all his mistakes. Not taking the responsibility for his own actions, because he wasn't bold enough to face the world head on.
I refuse to lie and say that I get the same opportunities as everybody because I don't. I can be the smartest, the brightest, even a genius almost, but the fact still remains this world can care less. Jim Crow laws have long been "abolished", but verbally racist individuals will remind me where I stand in the world. Every black boy doesn't want to be a rapper, an athlete or a drug dealer. Quite a few a of us have dreams and visions of making a difference in the world. To help not only our families and ourselves, but the communities we grew up in. I've never seen myself doing enough just to get by, because that's what people already expect from me. I've been counted out just on the merits of me being a young black male in America. The place where lady liberty resides, and a city that never sleeps.
Whether people want to come to grips with this fact or not I have two strikes against me already. I'm a male and I'm black. I'm sure as some people read this they're saying to themselves that can't be true, but it is. In the "eyes of America" and almost the world, I'm a disease. A plague that is cancerous to not only the world, but to myself. I'm the black sheep in the bunch and a person who has a high level expectancy to fail. What I'm saying isn't even giving what's truly going on any justice really. Its far more worse then what I'm writing, and even what you can conjure up in your psyche. These are FACTS non the less, and it deeply angers me.
At the end of the day all I can do is be the best Derrick possible. That's something my mother tells me on a consistent basis. Whether I figure my purpose out today, tomorrow or next week, the fact still remains I'm here to conquer what the world says can't be done...MYSELF! Fighting those internal demons that I'm at odds with constantly. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth or came from a wealthy family, but I'm here. Being more than just a vessel taking up space and oxygen, complaining about things I can change. People often say when life gives you lemons make lemonade, but I would rather sell those lemons and buy more lemonade stands. Whenever you begin to feel sorry for yourself and start giving up I just want you to remember this, Don't follow where the path may lead you. Instead, Go where there is no path, and leave your own trail.
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