Why do you clutch your purse when you see me?

My skin tone may not be as dark as night but often I fight with forces seen and unseen; that are out to destroy me even if my mission in life is to better myself, my loved ones and those around me. I live eat and breath bettering myself to the best of my ability, I don't want to hurt or harm a soul because my main goal in life is to strive for excellence. But why do you clutch your purse when you see me? Am I truly a threat to you? Does my skin tone alarm you like a sign that clearly says "colored only"? Because obviously my color offends people for reasons they probably don't know the answer to. Do I strike you as a thief? Does my appareance give you a reason to believe I want to take from you? It's interesting to look at the news and see that the only ones in the judicial system are either as black as night, have a hue as brown as caramel or have features that resemble ancestors who have fought so hard to make sure I have rights that never really seem to be given to me "fairly". So if you clutch your purse when you see me; shame on you, because I am not who you believe I am because my hue isn't as white as snow? My grandmother expressed to me long ago that "there is no such thing as race, the ONLY RACE is the HUMAN RACE"! It's sad that you will never know that I am the same as you, the only thing that truly does distinguish us apart is our struggles in life. So the next time you clutch your purse when you see me; ask yourself this question, is he really the problem in this world? Or am I adding to the problem In a world already being bias, when I clutch my purse...?

September 2nd

       I loved you and never knew you, a seed that would have sprouted the way I know you could have if given the opportunity. And though I am hurt beyond measure that you are not here for me to believe in you; and watch you grow into something great, I guess GOD had other plans for you. A plan that was bigger then me wanting you here to call my own. You made me realize how much of a man I really am; that I have to learn to believe in myself way more then I was going to believe in you, that I had to love myself a little more then I do right now. I hate myself because I feel like it was my fault you're not here but realistically it isn't. Even right now as I write its like a knife pierced my heart, and the tears won't stop rolling down my face. But it is because of you showing me; even with you not even physically here, made me grow up and stop procrastinating. I was once told that a man doesn't start being a father until the baby is born, but with all that has happened I realize how much of an untrue statement that truly is. I was stepping up to the plate way before you were conceived, way before I even knew you were in the process of being made. All you did was make me reassure myself that as much as I thought I was evolving, you could transform me even the more. This isn't fair and though I felt like GOD didn't care about how this would make me feel; I would much rather you be up there watching over me from heaven, guiding my steps and thoughts, rooting me on when everyone else is expecting me demise. So when its time for us to have another little one, we will accept all that we have lost, and appreciate what we have even the more. I love you Son, and thank you for teaching me about myself. Thank you for teaching me that as much as life may be cruel to us, it has a funny way of being true to us even if we don't want to believe. This nightmare shed light on the darkness I held over my head for long. You were the balance to my complicated life and for that I am forever indebted to you. I prayed for a miracle and you were that; and though I close this chapter in my page of life, I open up to the next one that will continue to teach me to be s better man.
Remember that I Love you Always and forever, to the unborn child I wasn't able to have....Daddy will keep believing; reaching pinnacles unheard of because  you, and how much you believe in me. This isn't Good bye, but more like I'll see you later... <3