September 2nd

       I loved you and never knew you, a seed that would have sprouted the way I know you could have if given the opportunity. And though I am hurt beyond measure that you are not here for me to believe in you; and watch you grow into something great, I guess GOD had other plans for you. A plan that was bigger then me wanting you here to call my own. You made me realize how much of a man I really am; that I have to learn to believe in myself way more then I was going to believe in you, that I had to love myself a little more then I do right now. I hate myself because I feel like it was my fault you're not here but realistically it isn't. Even right now as I write its like a knife pierced my heart, and the tears won't stop rolling down my face. But it is because of you showing me; even with you not even physically here, made me grow up and stop procrastinating. I was once told that a man doesn't start being a father until the baby is born, but with all that has happened I realize how much of an untrue statement that truly is. I was stepping up to the plate way before you were conceived, way before I even knew you were in the process of being made. All you did was make me reassure myself that as much as I thought I was evolving, you could transform me even the more. This isn't fair and though I felt like GOD didn't care about how this would make me feel; I would much rather you be up there watching over me from heaven, guiding my steps and thoughts, rooting me on when everyone else is expecting me demise. So when its time for us to have another little one, we will accept all that we have lost, and appreciate what we have even the more. I love you Son, and thank you for teaching me about myself. Thank you for teaching me that as much as life may be cruel to us, it has a funny way of being true to us even if we don't want to believe. This nightmare shed light on the darkness I held over my head for long. You were the balance to my complicated life and for that I am forever indebted to you. I prayed for a miracle and you were that; and though I close this chapter in my page of life, I open up to the next one that will continue to teach me to be s better man.
Remember that I Love you Always and forever, to the unborn child I wasn't able to have....Daddy will keep believing; reaching pinnacles unheard of because  you, and how much you believe in me. This isn't Good bye, but more like I'll see you later... <3

LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS

    It's funny whenever you want someone who wants you just as much as you want them, but you can't even appreciate them. I guess its fear of the unknown; fear that maybe you'll be just as happy as you're suppose to be before something bad happens. That's honestly a very backwards way of thinking; and quite pessimistic too, but that's how we think. It's like the expression "this is too good to be true". Its almost saying that you are none deserving of happiness. That you don't deserve to go through the motions of happiness that will keep a smile nearly painted on your face permanently.

    I'm just going to be honest and say that I'm somewhat fearful to Love someone and to be Loved back. To have a woman love me unconditionally the way I deserve to be. To someone reading this it probably sounds crazy, nearly ungrateful. But I'll dig in a little as to why I am. People Seem to always put their best foot forward whenever they first want the person they desire. You call all the time, text, visit, remember every intricate details about them and it almost seems like perfection.

   You two seem to get closer; it nearly seems like a dream every time you're around this person, something that almost seems like it's out of one of those romantic movies women go crazy over. I remember when my sisters had me watch this all time "Chick flick" called The Notebook. For any of those women reading this know exactly what movie I'm talking about. This movie is like the Holy Grail to women all over. Women swear by this movie and nearly model their relationships after this film. After I was forced to watch this movie I realized that we all seek that forever with someone we truly care for; and potentially Love. Love itself isn't the part that winds up being bad, what it sometimes turns into is whom you chose to love.

   But how can you help who you fall for? And really is it even possible to prevent feelings from arising? My simple yet complicated answer is yes and no. I'll start with No; and the reason why you can't help your feelings at that moment is because when the person is saying and doing all that you feel is right, they can do no wrong in your eyes. You're appreciative of their presence at that moment and nearly feeling like they are your answer to all the hurt you've ever felt prior to them being in your life. It only turns to yes when they have already showed you signs that you two should not be together; but instead you mask it, because in your mind you feel like this is all you truly deserve. This is as good as it gets so you deal with it. Days turn to months, months turn to years, then this "relationship" has turned more into a routine then a commitment between two people that should be happy together.

    We ignore the signs only because we fear that that happiness we thought we could share with this person will happen when they are with someone else. We're scared that we failed; when honestly it isn't us, it's just that the two of you are at separate times in your life. The road you thought you were going down together has turned into separate paths that have more so go in opposite directions then intertwined.
So then the real question turns into "will I ever find the person I'm meant to be with?" Which already is a problem because we're not meant to find or look for love...it finds us when we are READY for it! Yea it sounds cliche, but truth be told it's the most honest statement I can come up with; and If you're truly going to be honest with yourself, you'll realize that its true.
   
    Love might just be the most sought out; intangible thing we all are in search of, and in some ways in need of besides being rich and powerful. I'll tell you something though, I definitely want to love a woman and have her love me just as much, if not more then I love her. To be able to look deep in her eyes and realize that God made her especially for me. And if I'm going to be honest with you, sometimes I feel like I have found her...Not because I was looking for her but because she was placed there in my life and we changed each other and didn't want to admit it because we were both fearful we would be hurt due to the past. Are we together? No...But if two people truly are meant to be together they'll find their way back into each others arms.

   Sometimes you don't know what to feel, where to go or even how to act when you have someone come into your life and they bring something new to the table. At this point in my life I'm realizing my purpose is to inspire others. I recently turned 25 years old on June 24, 2013. I literally made this blog (that will be one of the most popular websites of all time) a year ago on June 25th. You would have NEVER been able to tell me I would still be writing on here and sharing my life. Allowing myself to be an open book for all the world to see. Going through the motions of life and not caring whether I'm being judged or not. I said all that to say we can never truly love someone else if we don't wholeheartedly love ourselves first.

    It took me writing on here for a year to realize in some ways I only loved the idea of love, and in some ways was lustful after it. It wasn't until recently after speaking to a woman who I truly did care for and she and I stopped speaking did I realize what Love has the potential to become...when it's READY. The sad facts is sometimes we do find and come across "the one", but if at that moment it isn't time it won't work the way it's meant to. Never allow yourself to be bitter when it comes to Love because it's truly beautiful. Sometimes you just have to wait it out, but you won't have to wait forever.

   Love that woman/man in the mirror, be good to them and give your very all to that person; because once you do come across the one who was made especially for you, you'll be able to love without limits...