The "Portrayal"

I'm trying to balance being a man and the man I want to be and see the future even before it's here. I Don't believe in complacency but I'm comtiplating on the next level you see. The here and now isn't even good enough for me and I don't care who I could have been but more so who I am going to be. Would I sell my soul just to get what I deserve? Balancing life like I'm standing on a tightrope... Praying for hope hoping what I pray for comes into fruition. Banking that the fruits of my labor will be ripe enough to blossom into the prosperity I so long and hope for. I have a girlfriend I love more then my own self, I would bleed the last ounce of my own blood into her veins if that would keep her alive and that's all I had to give her. This love is like a never ending stream of the deepest rivers of the abyss. And when we make love GOD is there watching us as we lose ourselves into each other. Intertwing like a knot to a string forming into a bow. This woman has made me want to be a better man to her and my daughter. And I'm scared I'll never be a good enough father because my father never was to me. Blood doesn't make you blood just like reading the bible doesn't make you a saint. Sometimes sinning is the only way to win; I mean look at those who are rich. And what's crazy is we all long for wealth. And every rich person isn't a sinner and every poor person isn't a saint, and sometimes the wolf is the sheep and life is too deep to even understand. When you pray to a GOD you can't even see and try to understand a religion that's been made up when scientist say that the Big Bang theory created this world and I go to church and the Pastor is preaching Jesus walked on water and died for all our sins, but the sinners seem to be the winners? As confusing and jumbled up these thoughts I have are; they make sense. I'm from a city where there are millions who all have the same wants and desires but have different ways of getting it. We ALL deal with Life & Death; two never ending cycles we can't interrupt. The skin I'm in I want to be able to win in this never ending battle to the top that only a few seem to be able to get to. I believe in me even if you won't...I don't expect sympathy; and at times my pride will get in the way but the heart of a man doesn't always define who he is, because we have to adapt to our situations. Always evolving because only the strong survive? I guess even when my ancestors were forced to be in bondage and chains for the rest of their lives, I seem to be here. Expressing thoughts and visions a slave master hundreds of years earlier said couldn't be uttered becaue he couldn't fathom the fact that he is an albino black man? That his skin is only as light as it is because he had to adapt to the cold climate thousands of years earlier? And what I speak of is far from racist but rather a truth too hard to understand to that slave master; so he beats it out of you because he can't put his finger around how he can torment you everyday GOD allows the sun to shine, and you continue to keep your head held high even if your body is broken. I am the direct descendant of KINGS & QUEENS who built pyramids that people said couldn't be made; so they said aliens built them. I share a bloodline to the creators of Math and science, engineers, scholars and authors and individuals of substance. At the end of the day wherever my mind roams off to I remember that I'm not just a man trying to make it; but I am a Legacy that must carry on for the sake the future that those before me couldn't have. My History won't be HIS STORY to tell, but my life will speak for itself. And even when I'm an old man playing with my great great great grandkids, I'll remember that true wealth isn't the value of a dollar but how much value you make that dollar to be. NOTHING has value unless we give it the power to, so there's really no such thing as rich or poor but the value Inwhich we give those labels we portray as life....just think about it.