The Worth of Melanin

       Even now as I sit here; thinking to myself what I'm going to speak about, a bunch of different thoughts are rushing through my mind as always. I'm wondering whether or not I'm going to speak about one thing, or a bunch of different things at once. You see, the things I express on these posts are 110% my OWN thoughts and FEELINGS! Something that frankly I've never really been good at when I wasn't writing. Well that's partly true though, I'll more so say I've yet to have someone fully understand where I'm coming from or how I view something. People are so sensitive about what you say to them but don't care how they speak to you. I feel like in so many ways I've always had to water down who I was so that I wouldn't offend other people. I've never been a momentary thinker, I believe in looking far beyond just the here and now. I've viewed myself as having the power to change things around me, believing in myself when no one else did. I have had to learn to celebrate myself even when others have not. I have lost countless times in many things I've been apart of, and yet I still go on. All I genuinely ever really wanted was for people to believe in me, to show me love and support and even befriend me. In many ways my trust in people has always been on alert because in the end people have hurt me or betrayed me on some level. The times I have been at my lowest I feel like all people really did was just leave me to bare it all alone, but that's something I've grown accustomed to doing. You see greatness doesn't happen overnight; and life can be cruel, but you have  got to realize that not everyone who's with you on this race called life will end it with you happily. along the way you lose people and they won't come back, and that's not always a bad thing either.

       I had a woman once tell me that she loved me but she couldn't be with me, and that confused the shit out of me at the time because I just couldn't understand why. How could you love someone as deeply as she still does love me and not want to be with me? The hard truth is sometimes that's just the way life is, and sometimes there isn't any other thought provoking "deep way" of looking at it. You can love someone and realize you two just can't be. Life changes people everyday, and I'm a prime example of that. How I use to be is a totally different person compared to how I am now. depending on who you may ask, that person may tell you their thoughts of me. Frankly at this juncture in my life I don't really care to be everything to everyone because I can't be. It's hard enough to be everything you need to be to yourself, while still being yourself and still trying to make everyone else happy. People may not know this about me, but I sincerely hate to disappoint people. That probably stems from the fact that I felt like throughout my life as a teen and growing up I feel that I disappointed my family more then made them happy. From doing all types of unspeakable wild things while going to one of the worst middle schools on the East side of Harlem; A.E.S (Academy of Environmental Science Secondary School), which by the way doesn't even exist anymore because it was that bad. To fighting almost everyday, stealing, lying acting out, having concealed weapons. My mother, aunts and grandmother (GOD rest her soul) even looked in my room once to see if I had been selling drugs because I was that out of control and had no real grip on my life. 

       Then my Aunts came up with a solution to put me in a private school on the West side of Harlem called MPCA (Mount Pleasant Christian Academy). To be honest this is where I learned that I was a KING and my passion for poetry and writing resented from. I have ALWAYS been intrigued with business. How they run, how to make them better and having the leadership and ambition to drive a business to the pinnacle. I have always taken pride in my mind and how it works, pushing my brain to peaks far beyond what others think is possible. To be honest I have to give MPCA that credit because they made me believe in myself. They made me realize that I wasn't just another statistic. That where I grew up didn't make a difference to how successful I was going to be in life. We went on international trips, we learned how to appreciate being BLACK when the world made us feel like being Black was a sin. We fed the homeless, worshipped and prayed. I feel like that was some of the best times of my life to be honest. I felt like there were others like me who grew up where I did and appreciated me for who I was and let me be myself without judging me. I owe those teachers and the Principle of that school more then I could ever pay back to them. I also owe the Blue Niles Rights of Passage because that program taught me to also appreciate being a "Strong Intelligent Black Man"! My cousin and I went to that program every damn Saturday for Nine months before we Both went through the "Passing Through" Ceremony that also had some shaping in my life. We had to memorize a creed, had to learn "Lift Every Voice and Sing", learn health and wellness, economic awareness, we had to wear a Dashiki and Kufi. It was the embodiment of appreciating your Blackness and not being ashamed of it. 

      Now there wasn't always a time in my life where I loved being Black the way I have for a very long time now. I use to not feel Black enough being aound other Black children because I was told "I speak too white". Now as ignorant and far from the truth as that may be; I can't even blame them for that, because they we raised to think that way. To lessen what it means to be Black, and make what greatness you have be so small because the world makes it seem like it's nothing. Look at the images on Television and the potrayal of Black Women and Black Men. That all Black people are lazy and all we do is live off of food stamps and collect goverment assistance. That every Black Man leaves his family and the Black woman has to be a father and mother to their children. That the Black Woman is loud and angry, and has major attitude issues. That Black Women and Black Men have many children from different mothers and fathers. That all Black Males are career criminals and sell drugs and go to prison. That all Black Men and Women have countless children but never get married. To make things even worse Complexion and Color amongst Black people are at an all time high, when we are ALL BLACK no matter the hue of our complexion. It just seems to me that throughout life we are programmed as Black children that we're all bad. That we won't be anything more then worthless. About four years ago I watched this documentary called "Dark Girls" that actually came out on November 11th 2011. To make a long story short this documentary discussed the deep rooted biased behaviors that Dark skin Women, outside and within American culture face on a daliy basis.  It broke my heart to see this documentary because I just wish that we showed each other the love and appreciation to one another that is deserved.

      I for one have and will ALWAYS WILL Love, Adore and Appreciate Black Women. Not only for their strength, but for their love and greatness that they hold. To see on the news that these Black women have been missing and there is no REAL news or out cry about it is extremely mind boggling. 
And what angers me more then anything else is the fact that this has been going on for this long and we are just now hearing about this? How I even found out what was going on was through my Social Media, then actually doing research about this issue, and finding out this goes back way farther then this year. To know that there actually is a Black Market where my whole entire body is up for sale and there are people out there that will pay top dollar for it is appalling and evil! 
So I am not suppose to protect and look out for Black Women when there is actually heinous things like this going on? To know that this is nothing new http://aggregatepress.org/organ-trafficking-melanin-theory-the-fountain-of-youth/ , and this type of ungodly shit is happening and no one seems to even bat an eye because it involves Black women. Why does it seem like whenever there is an issue involving Black people we are overlooked? Even this latest ad by Pepsi with Kendall Jenner; just adds more anger to what I already feel when it shows the respect people don't seem to have for Black women, or for the struggles Black people face on a consistent basis. 
       There is something that I want to leave you with no matter who you are; realize that Black people are and always will be an elite group of individuals, no matter what negative box you place us in. No matter the negative stigmas you loom us with or the hatred you show us because we love who we are.  It doesn't matter how many times you make us look bad or the falsified statics you continuously spew against us, we will ALWAYS RISE above it ALL! It matters not that you had us shackled in chains and made us slaves because slaves weren't on those ships. Kings, Queens, Judges, Lawyers, Scientist, Mathematicians, Artists, and Leaders of the Future were on those ships. No matter what labels you may place on Black People, remember we are here to stay. To shape this world and be the creators of a new tomorrow today. "I am so tired of waiting, Aren't you, for the world to become good and beautiful and kind? Let us take a knife and cut the world in two and see what worms are eating" -Langston Hughes