Love; the single most action, word and feeling that has the capacity to change even the most heartless and unemotional individuals. It can make you feel like you're not even yourself. At times it can also cause you to make foolish decisions or even do things you would have never done in your "rational state." But with all that you have to lose; or even gain with love, why do we yearn for it so much? Why are we even afraid to Love someone and allow others to love us back? To be perfectly honest there is no right or wrong answer.
I want to share something to make you understand specifically why there isn't really one particular way of understanding what I mean. I can honestly admit that I'm afraid to Love someone and allow someone else to love me back. In some ways I'm broken emotionally; but my demeanor will NEVER let you know that I am. I've gone through a lot of situations throughout my life that have caused me to have an "emotional scab" that I don't want reopened. I've opened up my heart and arms to women in my life that have toyed with my emotions. They have broken me down and did so many hurtful things that has caused me to be slightly nonchalant about certain situations. Honestly it's not like I don't care deep down, but I do feel that more often then none people take advantage whenever you show some level of decency and care.
The great news is at least I understand exactly why I'm so hesitant to love someone and allow others to love me back. But it's only partly why I am that way. It stems from the root of my father leaving my mother, sisters and I so long ago. My father being married to my mother and partaking in infidelity. My mother giving all that she could to a man undeserving of her love and loyalty. Knowing that I knew exactly who my father was, he was in my life for so long, then just up and leaves all of us because of his own internal demons he faced; not even knowing his biological father. Am I making an excuse for my fathers actions? Of course not; because we do set the tone in our lives, and play a big hand in what our future brings.
I'm intelligent enough to know that love at its most sincere state is unmoving and cannot be tampered with. I will never say I don't know how it feels to love and be loved back because I have a mother, sisters, grandmothers and Aunts who love me unconditionally. I'm very blessed and appreciate who's here. But for me to ever act as though I don't think about some of the people I've lost in my life I'd be a liar. Beyond a guarded heart and a "I don't care demeanor" I'm a great person. I do care depending on who it is, however there are some instances I genuinely don't care. All in all I'm just guarded due to past experiences.
Another great example is when I finally allowed a young lady into my heart (who I won't name), and she totally left out of my life without any just reason. Didn't return phone calls, text messages or even say anything to me. It was as though I never even existed to her. A part of me cared but I sat down and actually thought to myself just accept it for what it was. She was beautiful, goal oriented, and honestly had all that I believed was qualities I wanted in a woman I could potentially stay with forever. Any man that starts to say things like I'm saying shows you how serious I was about being committed to her. But once I let her in wholeheartedly, that's when she vanished.
Love is embracing that you may get scarred; but never be scared to Love...Love is fearless and forgiving. Love is believing that someone can change even if your rational mind says it can't be done. But Love is also learning when to let go and when to move forward. With something so intricate as love, I can see exactly why at times we are so confused because of it. As I said earlier; there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to love, just be able to deal with whatever decision you make because of it.
Live with your decisions and embrace the fact that you may have some failed attempts at "the Big L". Just don't allow those failed attempts to tamper with your mind with the concept of Love altogether. Love is so simple, yet it is complex at the same time. either way I believe that it's important to give love a chance. Life is full of great lessons, and not all of them will be ones that make you happy. However, not every decision will turn out to make you unhappy either. Now ask yourself this; are you Scared to Love, or too Scarred to Love?
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