All Of You

I love you; the way that you smile back at me, the way you stare at me. The love you gave, the love you give and show; the fact that my feelings continue to grow. I was scared to believe that a love like this forever we are building existed, but as I look through your eyes I realize I am blessed. And all that I have stressed has come and gone and now its time to embrace the fact that you are my blessing. My end and my beginning, even when I feel like I've lost I'm winning because I have you...Living life seems much easier because I have you, true love is hard to find but you're here. And every year that passes by and I find myself staring in those eyes again I'll remember that moment I let all my fears go and made you mine. I appreciate your perfect imperfections and with all the life lessons I have gone through; the pain and strain was worth it because I did gain you. If I had to deal with all that I have I would do it all over again just so I could appreciate and have All of You...I Love You.

Thoughts I could not speak

I admit I'm scared to love you; because you'll bring me to feelings I'm scared to feel but they feel right. And as I lay here at night I feel like I don't even deserve you. You treat me like I'm at the top when I'm my lowest. And if ever I met a decent woman you might just be the truest. Feelings like these I have now are the newest; but it's okay because it's no way I'm letting you go. And I don't want to mess up what we've got going and  knowing that you care for me the way you do puts a smile on my face every time. I don't even feel like I deserve you because you're a woman with vision, while I'm a man with visions too afraid to accomplish them; because I'm worried I'm not good enough. The eyes never lie and I realize that I will love you. My heart is yours to keep if you want it. I'm scared that I'll lose you from my own fears because I haven't felt like this in years. Honestly what's there to be afraid of? When I have a blessing like you from above. And I feel like your love would be the loveliest if that even makes sense. But you can never truly make sense of love because at times it can make you sense. I'm ready to settle down and have you as my one and only but the only thing that's stoping me is fearing that maybe I'm not even the best man for you. But that's just my insecurity talking; deep down I know no other man will make you feel the way I do. No other man will love you the way I will; yet and still I'm here in doubt. You make it easy to let go of all those fears though and where this may go I don't know. But what I do know is you're the woman of my dreams...

Thin line between wants & needs

I'm battling two sides; the part that knows what I need and the part that knows what I want. You're what I want, who I see a bright future with. The one I want to grow old with, have kids with and get married to. You're the one I want to make love to; look deep into your eyes and let myself go as we connect deeper then we ever thought possible. But are what I need though? I need to make this money, set up my future and build a legacy. I need to provide for myself and my family so we will NEVER have to want for anything. I need to build these companies; build a strong team that strives for excellence, do everything that the non-believers said couldn't be done. I need to stop being so impatient about my future and what it will bring me. I want to give up on dreams because I need to wake up; they may not even happen. But I need to keep on trying because I'm right on the cusp of a break through. I want you to be here by my side holding me down, but I need to let you go because this is journey I have to take alone. Sometimes what we want and need aren't what we think they are but it's up to you to figure that out. It's a thin line between wants and needs; at times those wants are what we need them to be, and those needs are what we want them to be, but we're unsure. It's a battle between the heart and the brain. Wondering should we use our logic or go on pure emotion. We all come at a crossroad in life where we have to decipher the importance of both our wants and needs. It's honestly about keeping a balance; but can it even be done? Sometimes we have to let go of our needs to get what we want. Sometimes the wants have to be put on hold to go after what we'll need. Either way you slice it life is just one big movie, and we have to figure out the ending before the credits roll. Have you figured it out yet.....?

SCARED to LOVE

   Love; the single most action, word and feeling that has the capacity to change even the most heartless and unemotional individuals. It can make you feel like you're not even yourself. At times it can also cause you to make foolish decisions or even do things you would have never done in your "rational state." But with all that you have to lose; or even gain with love, why do we yearn for it so much? Why are we even afraid to Love someone and allow others to love us back? To be perfectly honest there is no right or wrong answer.

    I want to share something to make you understand specifically why there isn't really one particular way of understanding what I mean. I can honestly admit that I'm afraid to Love someone and allow someone else to love me back. In some ways I'm broken emotionally; but my demeanor will NEVER let you know that I am. I've gone through a lot of situations throughout my life that have caused me to have an "emotional scab" that I don't want reopened. I've opened up my heart and arms to women in my life that have toyed with my emotions. They have broken me down and did so many hurtful things that has caused me to be slightly nonchalant about certain situations. Honestly it's not like I don't care deep down, but I do feel that more often then none people take advantage whenever you show some level of decency and care.

   The great news is at least I understand exactly why I'm so hesitant to love someone and allow others to love me back. But it's only partly why I am that way. It stems from the root of my father leaving my mother, sisters and I so long ago. My father being married to my mother and partaking in infidelity. My mother giving all that she could to a man undeserving of her love and loyalty. Knowing that I knew exactly who my father was, he was in my life for so long, then just up and leaves all of us because of his own internal demons he faced; not even knowing his biological father. Am I making an excuse for my fathers actions? Of course not; because we do set the tone in our lives, and play a big hand in what our future brings.

   I'm intelligent enough to know that love at its most sincere state is unmoving and cannot be tampered with. I will never say I don't know how it feels to love and be loved back because I have a mother, sisters, grandmothers and Aunts who love me unconditionally. I'm very blessed and appreciate who's here. But for me to ever act as though I don't think about some of the people I've lost in my life I'd be a liar. Beyond a guarded heart and a "I don't care demeanor" I'm a great person. I do care depending on who it is, however there are some instances I genuinely don't care. All in all I'm just guarded due to past experiences.

   Another great example is when I finally allowed a young lady into my heart (who I won't name), and she totally left out of my life without any just reason. Didn't return phone calls, text messages or even say anything to me. It was as though I never even existed to her. A part of me cared but I sat down and actually thought to myself just accept it for what it was. She was beautiful, goal oriented, and honestly had all that I believed was qualities I wanted in a woman I could potentially stay with forever. Any man that starts to say things like I'm saying shows you how serious I was about being committed to her. But once I let her in wholeheartedly, that's when she vanished.

    Love is embracing that you may get scarred; but never be scared to Love...Love is fearless and forgiving. Love is believing that someone can change even if your rational mind says it can't be done. But Love is also learning when to let go and when to move forward. With something so intricate as love, I can see exactly why at times we are so confused because of it. As I said earlier; there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to love, just be able to deal with whatever decision you make because of it.
  
     Live with your decisions and embrace the fact that you may have some failed attempts at "the Big L". Just don't allow those failed attempts to tamper with your mind with the concept of Love altogether. Love is so simple, yet it is complex at the same time. either way I believe that it's important to give love a chance. Life is full of great lessons, and not all of them will be ones that make you happy. However, not every decision will turn out to make you unhappy either. Now ask yourself this; are you Scared to Love, or too Scarred to Love?