I find myself waking up often. wondering exactly what my purpose is. Am I fulfilling exactly what I am destined to do? Or am I just content with complaceny; conforming to being complacent because of my fears of my own progression? Fearful that maybe what I'm going after may not even make me great. It's often stated that we fear the unknown because we are not sure exactly what it will bring or where it will take us. I on the other hand have an inkling where my progression will take me, I just don't want to fail. I don't want all the tears, heartache, trails and tribulations to be in vein because of a "dream". So much has happened to me, I've lost so much and have grown up. I just turned twenty-five on June 24th, and I look back and ask myself what have I sincerely fulfilled?
To be honest that definitely is a pessimistic way of thinking; but for me to sit and act like I don't have moments of doubt like I do at this point in my life would be a farce. I live life and love just like everyone else. I enjoy the fruits of my labor and want a family, to be married and be successful just like everyone else.
What makes me different from everyone else is I don't have the luxury of just giving up, for a lot of different reasons. One of those reasons being that I am a Male of African Decent (African American). To some this may mean nothing, to me this means everything. Why you ask? Well I'll explain the best way possible.
I find myself reading all types of things, trying to inform myself with as much knowledge as possible. Like all muscles of the body you have to train your mind often; giving it as many supplements as it can handle. Pushing it to it's limits so you can have the results you deserve. I said all that to say that knowledge is power and without it you can find yourself misinformed about plenty. Now whether people want to hear it or believe it we don't live in world where African Americans are so accepted, especially the males who are black. I'm not saying this from a close minded perspective or pessimism, it's a fact. I myself have gone through MANY situations where I have been treated differently or viewed in a particular way until I have opened my mouth or expressed myself.
I sincerely believe that people believe exactly what they hear in the news; on the television, in the papers, on the internet. Any platform where a plethora of people can read it or see it I guarantee that a negative stigma about African Americans will be displayed. Sadly in some ways African Americans are to blame because we ALLOW people to stamp us and do nothing to change that. We just accept it because we're tired of defending ourselves from people who don't care if what is being stated is false.
Before someone tries to twist what I am saying around I am not saying every black person is doing this; it is specifically to those who are, but we ALL as people of African Decent must genuinely take a stand. The many injustices faced on a regular is mind blowing. From the police, the media, other people and in some ways how we treat one another disgusts me. I read something today called "A letter from the Ku Klux Klan" that was disheartening; but what was sad was what they were saying was accurate. Not 110% but partly and it angered me.
This issue of "race" in our society seems to have gotten worse. It doesn't matter that our president is black or that the 27 Amendments were formed; or it doesn't matter that the Emancipation Proclamation was made, we live in a society of racism and bigotry. It's amongst each other with the bs of "light skin" Vs "dark skin"and who's better or worse. The fact that it is already predestined that as a Black male you will probably be incarcerated, be a "baby daddy" and have no education. We have been conditioned to hate and fear the police and they have been conditioned to fear and hate us.
It seems to be fine if you execute or slaughter all in the name of "justice". But when you look deep down inside yourself; exactly what injustices are you protecting society from? Who exactly are committing things that would make you feel like you need some level of protection from? I bet some people have already gotten an idea as to who, and though you may not admit it externally, internally you have already stated it.
We live in a society where prejudice is thriving but we sit and accept it and act like it's the norm which is unfortunate.
I am twenty-five years old and my mother is still afraid every time I leave her house. I don't want to live in a world where I have to be afraid that someone may shoot me or that I'll be imprisoned because of racial profiling. Who wants to live in a world where the ONLY reason I may be able to get a good job; even when I'm very qualified, is because the company has to seem like it's an "equal opportunity employer." Some may say "Derrick you are looking far too deep into the situation, everyone isn't a racist." That part I am well aware, but until you have walked in my shoes and the shoes of others who are black like me; then you can't tell me without exactly saying it "get over it".
Issues of slavery, false imprisonment, racial profiling, the list can go on until my fingers go numb from writing; and these and so many others just as serious seem to get the attitude "get over it" and why? Why get over it when we can put people in prison for killing animals but have the police walk free for murdering a boy handcuffed that was complying with everything they asked him to do? Get over the fact that a man like George Zimmerman could walk free for killing Trayvon Martin, but give Marissa Alexander TWENTY YEARS for setting off warning shots IN THE AIR just to PROTECT herself from an abusive husband? These issues aren't worthy of being angered over? I have to get over it? Well it seems like I didn't get the memo when it says I lived in the "United States"; but we're all united until issues involving African Americans surface.
I guess this is what society is getting protection from; but what it really appears to be is the world protecting itself from annihilating blacks literally and figuratively, then masking it as "protection".
I will also state that I am highly disappointed in those individuals who find is appropriate to partake in the ignorance of the issue of racism amongst one another. That individuals deem it appropriate to make the "light skin vs dark skin" issue a battle. What you don't understand is black folks come in ALL shapes and sizes, colors and hues; we are the ONLY group of people that do, and that should be waved like a banner of honor NOT as a problem. If you truly want to be informed about where the thoughts of "superiority" amongst each other comes from Google the Willie Lynch letters. He is the man who was named after lynching and the person who indoctrinated the methods of thoughts so many people of African decent carry. As I stated earlier STAY informed. Realize why you do or say some of the things you deem "normal" and question yourself as to why.
It is issues like the ones I have stated and so many others that make me fight for my beliefs. That make me strive for a better future where race and color are not an issue whatsoever. I just want us ALL, no matter what your background is to come together as ONE race; which is the HUMAN RACE! My grandmother use to say that there was no such thing as race amongst people, that we are all one in the same and that the only things that does separate us is our beliefs. I wish that were true and that simple. We have to inherit a mentality like we did when we were children; where we don't see color or complexion, but we see a person. A person that may not look like us or even come from where we come from, but we accept them anyway because we all represent the same thing;Humanity...
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