The Bravery in being Great

       I don't know, it's so hard to face this world not knowing exactly where you fit in all of it. All this chaos, it almost feels like you're in a burning room with nowhere to escape. That you're looking for that "light at the end of the tunnel"; but instead, all you continue to see is darkness all around. You lose all the motivation that you have. Nothing seems to be going right, you feel like you're of no use to anyone. And the only time you really do matter is when people are gaining something from you. I feel used, like I'm only beneficial when I have something that people need from me. I feel like a alien in a foreign world, and I don't really belong. I feel like I've lost more then I have gained. But what I have gained despite it all is something that I can't replace. I feel like defeat has made me stronger, and I realize that my time is coming. I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself; or even blame others for not getting what I deserve to have, even if they were the cause of my temporary downfall. You can't weigh greatness on a scale, the true value of that greatness lies on how you use it. As well as the lives that you affect. I use to try to base my success on how well others were doing at the time. Then I  began to realize that you can't. Why would I base my success on others when they won't be able to do what I CAN and WILL accomplish? Who I am to short-change myself? Who am I to even doubt my own greatness?

       See it's human nature to base all that you have and don't have by what others have. That's why when you eat something that is someone else's it seemingly tastes better. Or when you see someone who you believe is more successful, attractive or better then you are we tend to emulate that person. We feel that we are not as great without having that exact or similar trait or quality that person has. I feel that admiration is an inspiring delight. It is good to appreciate an individuals work ethic, what they have or even how they look. Just don't allow that to be the sole basis of how you may deem your own "success". We tend to seek out approval from people who truthfully aren't as great as we are even if we feel they are successful. Truthfully those that you look up to may not even be that great. Greatness isn't just about what you possess or what you have accomplished, it's also about how much you have helped others become great as well. We fall in love with how something seems to look, not really knowing everything about it. We even find ourselves trying to compare and contrast all that others have, when in reality what they have my be good for them but not great for you.

       I am learning more in my life that being "good" at something and being "Great" at something are two different things. Just because something looks good doesn't mean that it is. For example; someone that I befriended when I was younger, was and still is affiliated with very prominent music artists. In fact, I myself know countless individuals throughout all channels of successful avenues in many platforms. I just have never been the type of person to ride the wave of another's success and emulate it as my own. I would much rather prefer to do things my own way and get my "buzz" off the beat of my own drum. Anyway; I believed at some point in my life that this person was getting all types of "success", because they seemed to be able to get things that appeared unreachable to me. We actually know all the same mutual people, and we are in the same neighboring part (Harlem). I use to question my own greatness because it looked good to see them have all those successful people around. Seeing them in photos together and having these celebrities even vouch for this person. I wanted that for myself; but a part of me always felt like I didn't need to do it that way, because people would see how great I was in MY OWN TIME. See, we tend to forget that not every time is the right time, and the time for someone else's successes have no bearing on our own.

       We get so caught up in how good something else looks for someone else, that we lose sight of how great we will be. Moreover, this person relied heavily on how successful they were on the successes of the people who are already successful. To me that is a sure way of living in the shadows of others, and I am too great to allow myself to ever do that. I also didn't deceive people, or steal their ideas and fabricate them as my own as they have. They also only dealt with people and aligned themselves with those they saw potential in. Clinging on to them not because they sincerely believed in them or their visions, but to stay relevant through that individuals hard work and success. I have expounded on that to express, don't base anything off of how things appear. Don't fall in love with appearances, believe in yourself even when others don't. Believe in YOUR potential and NEVER doubt it. Just be yourself and the RIGHT people will align themselves with you. Stop trying to seek the approval of others and just aim for the highest plateau. Don't box yourself in EVER because even placing yourself in one is limiting your own potential.

       I researched how well this blog was doing since I first started this years ago; and even with me going on a hiatus for nearly a year, and not writing on this daily as I use to, I have had nearly 10,000 views on this blog internationally. I have even had people write back to me, even telling me that they don't like what I wrote or expressing an opinion on how much that they do love it. To me that means people find relevancy in what I write and I am appreciative of that. There is no such thing as overnight success, and stop trying to base what you feel success is on how others view it. Stay in your own lane and do it YOUR WAY, and I guarantee others WILL FOLLOW YOU! I believe in myself even if others do not. I have learned to celebrate myself even if others may not. One thing that I do know is I am on the road to greatness, and NO ONE will stop that for me. I am a work in progress, but my progression is paying off. Remember; "Anyone can be good at what they do, but it takes bravery to be great just when being good is enough"!

        

       

Reality

Sleepless nights with nobody but my thoughts and inner self to listen to me. 

Feeling lonely, like I want to be loved but I haven't loved myself in a long time.

Now I love me and I wonder if now I have time to love anyone else but me?

My heart is filled with all the love I can give but it always seems like I never give enough though.

I'm out here hoping and wishing I can be the man I never had around me.

And I feel bad for my dad; he just had a heart attack Friday, and I was sad but we reap what we sow.

I don't wish any anything but the best for the man who was never there for me.

He came back into my life when he thought I was having twins; and when they died because a doctor carelessly made the wrong decision, he was gone like the heartbeats of my unborn kids.

Seems like my life for a long time was a roller coaster of endless negativity.

And the people I thought was riding by my side was'nt fucking with me.

I find myself looking at other peoples babies, feeling sad because I just want my own little one.

Someone to look after and love the way I wanted to be loved. 

And for awhile I loved someone else's child like she was my own daughter; love and nurture her like I was there the day she was born, tried to be the daddy to her I never had.

But all I heard was I wasn't giving her the things she needed; that all I did was strike fear in her, I was even told I was just like my father.

How can I be like the man who was never there when I was always there? 

Hell I was in that girls life more then the biological father she never even knew, that made it apparent he didn't want to have anything to do with her.

Yea I came in her life when she was five going on six and now she's seven, but that's more birthdays then her "Real" father was apart of.

Having people tell me I'm not her real dad; but I'm the one showing her how to tie her own shoes, teaching her how to read, going to every parent teacher conference meeting and paid for her sixth birthday when no one else had money to do it. 

I even got her into a school that was the top school in East Harlem, but I'm not a good father?

Paid for bills in a home where people made me feel like I didn't belong, moved there just to be around the woman I would have given my heart out of my own chest if she needed to survive. 

But she left me because I just wasn't the same?

How could I be the same when shit in my life wasn't the same, and all I wanted you to do was be there for me. 

And I gave you EVERYTHING; even babies that I would have raised like I was raising the little one you already had, if GOD hadn't taken them before I had a chance to say I loved them. 

And it angers me because you made it seem like I was the worse man in the world, you probably even talked bad about me to other people. 

And thoughts of what you could be doing have raced through my mind 

How the way you feel about me could change in two months when we were together for nearly two years and I knew you for three.

It's interesting how people can be here today and gone in an hour. 

What happened to us having unconditional love for one another forever?

I forgave myself when no one else did because deep down I never forgave myself. 

I blamed myself for a lot, but you can't go around in life feeling sorry for yourself.

But God never gives us more then we can handle, and Lord knows that I've handled a lot. 

I'm just out here believing and grinding for that top spot. 

Trying my best to be a man that I was never taught to be by my father.

Trying to make sure that my mother doesn't have to work another day in her life again.

Attempting to leave a legacy that will evolve history forever and do everything people said couldn't be done.

The best lesson I could have learned was "sometimes you have to encourage yourself".

Be your own support system even if no one else supports what you do. 

Stop trying to be everything to everyone and forget to do nothing for yourself. 

Remember Dreams only move forward when you give them feet to roam; without breathing life into that thought, your reality will cease to exist and be but a dream!

Be the light in your own life you try to shed on everyone else's life; because when your own light gets dim, the only person that can reignite that internal flame of yours, is you....