Blueprint to your Daughter's Relationship

       So I was on my way to pick up my check from work; well by this time I was in the train station waiting for the 6 train. I'm sitting there on the bench, on my phone calculating how much of my check was going to bills, and I hear this loud commotion. It's this young couple around my age arguing, however; the guy is the one being the loudest. He's cursing at what seems to be the mother of his daughter (who's holding their daughter at that point in time). He's calling her out of her name, and he's threatening to physically assault her in front of everybody.

       Honestly I'm looking right at him at this point and time and he doesn't even make eye contact with me. One thing I've been taught from little is any man that can't look you in your eyes or face is spineless, and it was obvious to me that he wasn't anywhere near a man. You can threaten a woman and say how you'll slap her and embarrass her in front of everybody in a crowded train station, but you can't even look another man in the face.

       It's amazing to me that he would find that appropriate to even come out his mouth in the first place. He even slowly walked further away from where I was because I believe deep down inside he knew that what he said made him a coward. I don't know whether or not he did hit her when they went somewhere else, but what I do know is you don't say anything like that in front of your child. This is the image you want your daughter to see? This is what you want her to believe is "normal" so when she has a relationship she allows him to beat on her?

       It saddens me honestly because I can only imagine what he does to her when they're in private. Calling her dumb and stupid and beating her in front of their baby daughter. My heart sincerely goes out to the women who goes through that type of physical, verbal and psychological abuse consistently. Continuing on such a cycle that has the capability to do nothing but hurt more and more people.

       I wish people would wake up realize that it takes a father to raise his daughter; to show her how a woman is to be treated. Whether or not you stay with the mother of your child; respect her because she's someone who's raising your children. Whether or not you believe it you're the blueprint to your child's future relationship. Keep your hands to yourself and be the kind of man you want you daughter to be with, not someone you would hurt if your daughter was hurt by them.

Be alone together

      It's times like this I think of you, looking outside into the distance wondering what you're doing. Saying to myself how was I so blessed to have you apart of my life? How two can become one as though two colors were mixed on a canvas. Let me be the brush and you be the palate, expressing all thoughts and emotions deep as though I'm speaking to you with my lips. Telling you everything you mean to me, and never being ashamed to express those feelings I feel for you. You see I'm use to being alone, dealing with my issues like a lone wolf. Never really showing the side of my vulnerability because I can't. Not because I can't but because I don't want to.

      I'll be as clear as a mirror showing you everything I never wanted you to see because the mirror never lies. And it's not that I want to lie to you, it's just that I'm afraid; and not the fear of negative thoughts but fearful that I'll fall. Fall deeply for you and expose the thoughts my heart wants to say but my lips tell you instead. If this was a dream I don't ever want to wake up from it; and if granted one last wish, it would be to see your smile. Your smile is as bright as the stars that shine in the night sky to let us know they're alive. You make life worth living because my life seems brighter with you apart of it. And you may not be perfect but you're perfect for me. You see I'm not trying to tell you anything but the truth, my truth.

     You're the kind of woman I want to put a ring on, the one I want a future with. The person I want to always wake up next to and kiss without any cares of your morning breath. You're the one I want to grow old with, and have children with and watch you walk with a pregnant belly. Kissing your stomach; and knowing that the child will come into the world with both parents who genuinely love one another. I would never hurt you and the only tears I would give you is that of joy because that's what I'm filled with each time I speak to you. If God ever made the perfect woman you are the blue print he chose to make perfection. I Look deep into my eyes and realize that you're all I want and need in a woman.

     You hold a special place in my heart because I never felt like this before. And I could care less what others think or feel because what we have is real. Our love is as real as the reality that we live in. Believe me when I say I love you, I mean that from the depths of my soul. But my goal is not to just tell you how much you mean to me, but allow you to see that my love is as infinite as God's love for us all. And if I had to be alone ever again; I would much rather be alone...together...with you.

My unspoken truth

Dear Dad,

I always wanted you to know what I felt, how much hurt and pain you dealt.

The birthdays, Christmas's and graduations missed, the fact that you gave me your ass to kiss.

I don't remember much happiness, I remember more pain, thank God you left I was going insane.

You missed out on my achievements and didn't care to see, you could care less about who I was destined to be.

I grew up a fatherless child, so at times my behavior was relentless and wild.

Thank God for me Mother, Grandmother, Aunts, Sisters and friends. Without their support I don't know where I would have been.

It's not like you died or lived in another state, the thought of you use to bring about hate.

I use to look at myself and say why do I favor you? But now I realize I'm nothing like you.

I don't hate you but as a child I did,
But I forgive your actions and the things you did.

How you use to humility me and beat me so, but God knew what he did when he let you go.

But despite everything I want to thank you, I don't hate you or wish anything but the best for you.

Yes it's true, I grew up fatherless with no guidance from a man; but despite it all here I stand.

I stand tall, conquering every adversity I've ever had. But I must admit I'm sad, and not for myself but for you.

Because no matter how long you try to play catch up you'll never really know who I am, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

But dad I don't want you to think this is a letter telling you how much I hate you or how much you've missed. It's to reassure myself that there's nothing to miss.

But thank you, you've opened my eyes when I was too blind to see, that you're the man who in fact taught me who I don't want to be...

Sincerely,
                  
The Son you never knew; Derrick Tirrone Lewis Jr.

Quotes that aspire to inspire #1

"Surround yourself only with people who are going to take you higher."  -Oprah Winfrey

Congratulations Gabby Douglas!

   First off; I want to say that I'm sincerely proud of Gabby Douglas and her great Achievements. The fact that she was able to get an all around gymnastics Gold medal, as well as being the very FIRST African American to achieve this is far beyond anything that can be said. There's sincerely not one particular word that I can use to say how proud of Gabby Douglas I am; and I appreciate her humility also. She is the first one of ANY generation in gymnastics to achieve such a feat. The fact that she hasn't allowed this to get to her head is beautiful. Gabby was the underdog that took it ALL! She's got a 90million dollar sponsorship with Kelloggs cereal to prove it too!

   What's even more crazy is I'm sure that Kelloggs Cereal won't be the only sponsorship she will probably be receiving either. This story just let's me know that it doesn't matter what people say about how far you're going to go, if you're destined for greatness your light will shine brighter then the rest. A young 16 year old who months earlier wasn't even suppose to make it to the Olympics was the one who took home gold and made history while doing it. Congratulations again Gabby Douglas, you definitely inspired me to believe that nothing is too great for God and nothing is too great as long as we believe!

Through my pain

Through my pain I've learned a lot about myself, my self worth and what I mean to those around me. Through my pain I've learned love and what love is and isn't. How I've grown to be the man I am today and the one I am going to be. Through my pain I've learned the difference between lust and love and how the ultimate love is the one from above. Through my pain I've learned my purpose, and how my life is a story to someone else. Pain hurts but time does heal all wounds, and like all things in life we realize who we really are because of it. I guess in some ways through my pain I wouldn't know where I was going if I didn't remember where I came from...