I Grind

I grind everyday like it's going to be my last day on earth 

I grind like  I'm going to be as broke as I was a few months ago

I grind for my future that won't be handed to me by anyone just because I want it

I grind like the world is against me

I grind because my ancestors fought for me to be able to be all that I deserve to be

I grind because my family believes in me even though this society stamps me as a criminal & I've never even been to prison

I grind for my future wife and kids so they can be proud of me and love me the way I've always wanted 

I grind for the man I use to be; because despite losing what he felt was everything, he would change everything around him

I grind because I can't afford not to be successful 

I grind because life won't give me handouts and feel sorry for me because my father was never there for me, I'm my OWN MAN

I grind because I will leave the kind of legacy that will shape and change the way this world will be forever

I grind because I can't afford to stop

I grind because my billions of dollars I've earned will give opportunities to Black Children that this society hates so much

I grind because I love myself enough to believe in me even no one else does

I grind because I want to be successful more then anything else

I grind because I see myself sitting at the head of my multi-billion dollar companies building futures for generations to come

I grind because GOD has ordained me to be a leader even when I use to not want to be one

I grind because I can't slow down my momentum because the road to success is a long one, and I can't afford to stop even if I'm tired

I grind because there were people that made me feel like I could never be the man I finally am

I grind because I love myself enough to love me even if the woman I was in love with left me

I grind because you can't seek love from everyone else if you can't fully love yourself first

I grind because I can't be everything to everyone else and be nothing to myself 

I grind because even though this society doesn't believe in me my success will speak for itself 

I grind to escape from being fine with complacency

I grind because my mind is my greatest weapon and standing in the midst of any adversity I will conquer it

I grind because one day when I'm an old man; sitting on my terrace looking out to the ocean that I own, sitting and watching my grandchildren play and my wife right beside me, I'll remember all what I faced to get what I have. To leave the legacy I always knew I would leave. And when my children bury me after living a VERY LONG LIFE; I would want them to remember that despite all I have, I was able to leave them all I had, because I grind....

The flower you threw away

My bed use to feel empty because I was empty without you there. 

I remember when I wouldn't even lay on the left side because you weren't there to share it with me.

My heart use to be filled with a mixture of sadness and hatred when your name was spoken. 

When I see babies even now I think about how we were going to have twins that we lost. 

And when you left me I felt lost, like I didn't know what else to do. 

You were my only friend when I had no one else to confide in.

You were the support that I thought I had when times were rough. 

But then something happened...things began to be different.

Now when I think of you I feel sad for you, not because of what you did but what will happen.

Life has a funny way of changing the roles for people.

I mean even in the bible it say "The first shall be last & the last shall be first".

I've learned over the years that GOD has been preparing me for something bigger then the moments I planned for "US".

The dreams I envisioned of your belly being big while you walked around pregnant with my children and you being my wife. 

Sharing a life with OUR daughter whether she is mine by blood or not.

GOD took you away from me; the family I always wanted of my own, the babies I was ready to have, because in order for me to truly appreciate all those things I had to lose them. 

It's almost like my whole world crumbled; I genuinely wasn't the same for a long time because you weren't there by my side, to love me the way I wanted you to.

I'm a man yes; I mean I'm not suppose to cry right? I'm suppose to not care right? 

But I was hurt, and I cried almost everyday because I missed you and OUR daughter whether she was biologically mine or not. 

I was lonely and lonesome but I never lost hope in myself.

Ive learned to love me with every fiber of my being, the same way I poured my love into you and your child.

I've always been the type of man that fears only GOD himself, another man that breathes like I do sparks not one ounce of fear into me, because why should he?

But I feared losing your love and you showed me that you didn't love me the same.

I can admit I could have done better in many instances, but the good I gave should have outweighed any bad I did.

I mean relationships have ups and downs; trials and tribulations, but the love should never leave because mistakes were made.

I can truly say that I've never loved another woman the same way I loved you. 

My actions proved that when I gave you babies that GOD took from us; but whether you believe that or not, just know that me being with you was never a game to me...it was VERY REAL.

Well now that I know what love feels like I can thank GOD he at least allowed that to happen.

My mission to be a billionaire is literally happening in less then ten years, and me being a millionaire WILL happen this year like I said it would.

Though you left me I want to thank you, you showed me that you would do something to me I would have NEVER done to you.

You showed me what I don't want a woman to do to me because things aren't going too well momentarily.

I could never hate you and I would never wish you any harm, I truly wish you the very best in life.

I partly want to thank you for leaving me; because I believe in me even more then I ever did, the way I wanted you to be there to believe in me, the way I've always believed in you.

I'm not bitter whatsoever, I honestly feel like I'm better now.

I didn't even have to go to therapy like I was going to do, I just stopped doing what I use to.

One thing I'll always do is believe in myself even if nobody else believes in me.

I will always love and do for me even if no one else does, because I've got a legacy to leave.

It's bigger then just today and tomorrow, it's about shaping and changing the world forever.

I truly have love for you and partly my heart hurts because of you, but I don't blame you. 

"Time doesn't move back it moves forward, you can't run away from the pain run towards it".

Jay-Z said it best because that's truly how I've learned to deal with my life. 

I truly hope that you get the happiness you deserve and you get the love, life & family I did want with you, even if with someone else. 

I was never taught how to be a man or to love a woman the right way because I didn't have a man there to even show me, but Lord knows I did try my very best to.

I'm sure that the love and family; wife and kids I do desire is out there for me, but for now I'll just continue to strive for the pinnacle.

I can truly say that this year and the years to come are looking very bright for me, and I'm proud of the man I've become and continue to strive to be.

"GROW THROUGH WHAT YOU GO THROUGH"; because even when a flower wants to grow, it can still grow through concrete. 

Persistent Men Excel...So believe in you even if no one else does!

A Permanent resident in my Heart

Words can't explain how I feel
In due time I hope these wounds heal
I still can't believe that you're gone
I don't want to believe that you're gone.
I wish this was just a nightmare
That my heart wasn't filled with dispair
That I'd wake up and this be a dream
And that this wasn't what it seemed
You're not here, but I honor your life
No longer suffering with misery or strife
The strongest woman I know
But God deemed it time for you to go
Grandma you taught me a lot,
and I'm sure God saved you a spot...
In heaven; where you deserve to thrive
You blessed this world when you were alive
I'll miss the way we laugh and joke
And those wise words of wisdom you spoke
It's not easy for me to say Good Bye
And honestly I don't want to try
So instead I'll say; I'll see you later, because I have much to give
But in my heart and mind you will ALWAYS Live.

I Love you Grammy, you will truly be missed...Rest in Paradise

My unspoken truth

Dear Dad,

I always wanted you to know what I felt, how much hurt and pain you dealt.

The birthdays, Christmas's and graduations missed, the fact that you gave me your ass to kiss.

I don't remember much happiness, I remember more pain, thank God you left I was going insane.

You missed out on my achievements and didn't care to see, you could care less about who I was destined to be.

I grew up a fatherless child, so at times my behavior was relentless and wild.

Thank God for me Mother, Grandmother, Aunts, Sisters and friends. Without their support I don't know where I would have been.

It's not like you died or lived in another state, the thought of you use to bring about hate.

I use to look at myself and say why do I favor you? But now I realize I'm nothing like you.

I don't hate you but as a child I did,
But I forgive your actions and the things you did.

How you use to humility me and beat me so, but God knew what he did when he let you go.

But despite everything I want to thank you, I don't hate you or wish anything but the best for you.

Yes it's true, I grew up fatherless with no guidance from a man; but despite it all here I stand.

I stand tall, conquering every adversity I've ever had. But I must admit I'm sad, and not for myself but for you.

Because no matter how long you try to play catch up you'll never really know who I am, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

But dad I don't want you to think this is a letter telling you how much I hate you or how much you've missed. It's to reassure myself that there's nothing to miss.

But thank you, you've opened my eyes when I was too blind to see, that you're the man who in fact taught me who I don't want to be...

Sincerely,
                  
The Son you never knew; Derrick Tirrone Lewis Jr.

Almost 8 months! :)

My Baby cousin is almost 8 months old...I love her dearly and she's growing up so fast. Time flys by, before you know it she's going to be one years old!