The flower you threw away

My bed use to feel empty because I was empty without you there. 

I remember when I wouldn't even lay on the left side because you weren't there to share it with me.

My heart use to be filled with a mixture of sadness and hatred when your name was spoken. 

When I see babies even now I think about how we were going to have twins that we lost. 

And when you left me I felt lost, like I didn't know what else to do. 

You were my only friend when I had no one else to confide in.

You were the support that I thought I had when times were rough. 

But then something happened...things began to be different.

Now when I think of you I feel sad for you, not because of what you did but what will happen.

Life has a funny way of changing the roles for people.

I mean even in the bible it say "The first shall be last & the last shall be first".

I've learned over the years that GOD has been preparing me for something bigger then the moments I planned for "US".

The dreams I envisioned of your belly being big while you walked around pregnant with my children and you being my wife. 

Sharing a life with OUR daughter whether she is mine by blood or not.

GOD took you away from me; the family I always wanted of my own, the babies I was ready to have, because in order for me to truly appreciate all those things I had to lose them. 

It's almost like my whole world crumbled; I genuinely wasn't the same for a long time because you weren't there by my side, to love me the way I wanted you to.

I'm a man yes; I mean I'm not suppose to cry right? I'm suppose to not care right? 

But I was hurt, and I cried almost everyday because I missed you and OUR daughter whether she was biologically mine or not. 

I was lonely and lonesome but I never lost hope in myself.

Ive learned to love me with every fiber of my being, the same way I poured my love into you and your child.

I've always been the type of man that fears only GOD himself, another man that breathes like I do sparks not one ounce of fear into me, because why should he?

But I feared losing your love and you showed me that you didn't love me the same.

I can admit I could have done better in many instances, but the good I gave should have outweighed any bad I did.

I mean relationships have ups and downs; trials and tribulations, but the love should never leave because mistakes were made.

I can truly say that I've never loved another woman the same way I loved you. 

My actions proved that when I gave you babies that GOD took from us; but whether you believe that or not, just know that me being with you was never a game to me...it was VERY REAL.

Well now that I know what love feels like I can thank GOD he at least allowed that to happen.

My mission to be a billionaire is literally happening in less then ten years, and me being a millionaire WILL happen this year like I said it would.

Though you left me I want to thank you, you showed me that you would do something to me I would have NEVER done to you.

You showed me what I don't want a woman to do to me because things aren't going too well momentarily.

I could never hate you and I would never wish you any harm, I truly wish you the very best in life.

I partly want to thank you for leaving me; because I believe in me even more then I ever did, the way I wanted you to be there to believe in me, the way I've always believed in you.

I'm not bitter whatsoever, I honestly feel like I'm better now.

I didn't even have to go to therapy like I was going to do, I just stopped doing what I use to.

One thing I'll always do is believe in myself even if nobody else believes in me.

I will always love and do for me even if no one else does, because I've got a legacy to leave.

It's bigger then just today and tomorrow, it's about shaping and changing the world forever.

I truly have love for you and partly my heart hurts because of you, but I don't blame you. 

"Time doesn't move back it moves forward, you can't run away from the pain run towards it".

Jay-Z said it best because that's truly how I've learned to deal with my life. 

I truly hope that you get the happiness you deserve and you get the love, life & family I did want with you, even if with someone else. 

I was never taught how to be a man or to love a woman the right way because I didn't have a man there to even show me, but Lord knows I did try my very best to.

I'm sure that the love and family; wife and kids I do desire is out there for me, but for now I'll just continue to strive for the pinnacle.

I can truly say that this year and the years to come are looking very bright for me, and I'm proud of the man I've become and continue to strive to be.

"GROW THROUGH WHAT YOU GO THROUGH"; because even when a flower wants to grow, it can still grow through concrete. 

Persistent Men Excel...So believe in you even if no one else does!

The Beauty Of Your Soul

I yearn for your touch, to be close to you; I find myself lost while I'm in your presence. You make me feel alive, and when I'm sleep I dream of the moment to be around you again. If this is how nostalgia feels; this is one high moment I refuse to not remember. Your beauty is as radiant as the night sky is when the stars dance across the milky way. Your lips are as soft as petals of a red rose. And when you smile it is as though God is reassuring me that you are a blessing from the Heavens above. Each curve on your body seems like you were crafted just for me; to hold you close to my heart forever. And I would never want to see you cry; but only if those tears were filled with joy. The rhythm of your heartbeat as I lay on your chest sounds like a symphony to your soul. Two becoming one like lovers on the night they were married. I could not live without your love; you are my drug, and I don't ever want to be without it. I want to be alone with you forever, together; knowing that this love is as pure as a mother who loves her child.  I don't know what tomorrow may bring; but today I know what love really feels like. And the beauty of your soul enticed the very man who thought he could love no more...Me.

Every Man needs a Queen

    Men don't like to feel vulnerable, we aren't really into letting you know when we're hurting. That aspect of crying and showing our emotions is necessary, but it's hard for us to do. When I was little my mother always told me that it was ok to cry, to show that something is wrong. Even as a man that's about to be twenty-four years old; on June 24th, she still says that to me even now. I agree with my mother, but it's hard honestly. For example, even as a child if a little girl falls and it hurts her, it's ok for her to cry. If that same thing happens to a little boy people expect him to just take it and deal with it. And whether people want to be honest or not they still feel that way, it's just heightened even more when you're a man.

      Women want us to be strong, strong for them, our families and ourselves too. They want us to provide, protect and never neglect them. They expect us to love, be there for them and be honest with them also. Now I'm sincerely not over exaggerating about everything I'm saying, and I'm not even being bias because I'm a man. I don't even think that its too much to expect from a man either, but realize that men need you ladies to be strong for us sometimes too. When GOD created man he created women, therefore our bond is forever intertwined. The responsibility to do all that is necessary for our families and ourselves is high. And sometimes we do keep what we feel internally because we feel that we can handle it.

     Honestly we can handle it, we just need our women to steer us even when we foolishly act like everything is ok. Honestly I hate to show my emotions, it makes me feel like I'm not a man. Of course I'm intelligent enough to realize that it's ok to show vulnerability when it's necessary. But my pride won't always let me show that, and I probably speak for all men when I say this. That's where you ladies fall in, it's your job to be the rock that we need when the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Be that third leg of a table, because GOD is already there. We just need you too, even when we pretend we don't.

      Chess is the best game that expresses exactly how the life of a man is. Whenever all the pieces aren't able to hold us down, we can always count on the Queen to be there to the very end. We don't always let you know how much you mean to us, but believe me you mean the world to us. I'm a King and all I need is Queen to hold me down. I'm great alone, but I'm at my best when there's a woman there to help me hold down the fortress. That's what men feel, but we don't always say it. Just know that a woman is th best creation GOD placed in on this earth. Your role is needed more then you ever know. Just remember to hold your King down, because his Queen always makes it better when no one else can.

     We can't always be what you want us to be, just bare with us. Our heart is in the right place, especially when we love you. Life isn't easy for a man or a woman. We have our separate responsibilites but they are all important. Just know we are in this together, and we have each others backs. No man is an island even when he feels like he's one, because if GOD thought we were he wouldn't have created our women. So thank you for your strength, I know we aren't always easy to deal with, but you're still here. Just protect us, and I promise we will do the rest...