THE BLACK SON RISE

   Who do I go to when I have my moments of being vulnerable? Feeling like things aren't sorting out the way I want them to, even when I pray and attempt to be as optimistic as possible. I already know that life isn't always smiles and giggles, but it has to be way more then what I'm getting now. I look at people around me who do nothing but evil and they get EVERYTHING. It appears like they live a carefree life full of happiness and prosperity while I seem to work hard for nothing. I honestly want to give up constantly because it seems like there's just no use in trying. The more trying I endeavor to do it seems like I fall deeper into my own abyss of sorrows and pain. I have the option to either keep on trying or just give up right then and there. But is giving up the easier part or is it the part of sticking with it the hardest?

   Most people will NEVER understand how it feels to be a Black Male in America unless you are one already. It doesn't matter whether you're successful, or not. When people see you you're already placed in a box of failure, drugs, violence, incarceration or being a dead beat father. What's even more sad is the fact that all of these situations have plagued the African American community seemingly forever. You turn on the television, read it in news paper, even by word of mouth you hear something about someone you know having been apart of each situation. It saddens me to know that people give up on black males like there's just no hope for US. 

   Then again, just because you have fallen deep into any or every one of those situations, it doesn't mean the end. I believe that God places us in certain situations to not only prove we can endure, but to show others it can be done. I believe that individuals find it a lot easier to judge and categorize people instead of giving them a sense of hope. A part of me doesn't believe that black males who face those issues constantly want to be where they are. I believe fear and even settling causes them to be where they are, but it isn't anyone else's place to judge. The reason I can express it the way that I have is because I am a Black Man, and I feel like God has the FINAL say in where anyone winds up going in life. Society has no right to give anyone an eternal mark, but they do it anyway.

    I think that after awhile it's human nature to judge people. It becomes the very fabric of an individuals being sometimes. However, statistics don't automatically mean failure unless you take it on internally. We have the capability to change ANYTHING if we believe within ourselves it can be changed. People should base individuals individually but they don't, and why is that? I believe; because deep down inside, they themselves are facing their own demons they constantly battle. Life is an ever changing situation, which means that people can change also. 

   Just like there are failures, there are situations of success and triumphs. I believe you have to dig deep within yourself and encourage yourself even if others don't. You MUST face life, and you don't always have to accept things for what they are either. Just as certain as the moon will rise when night falls, there's a chance for a brighter tomorrow. Believe when no one else does and achieve because it's your God given right to do so. There's a reason why God called us sons, because we have just as much power to change this world and rise to the pinnacle as the Sun rises in the morning. 

Baby Girl

    Funny I thought about you today, thought I would check up on you to make sure that you were alright. I wanted to call you and just hear your voice. Just look into your eyes while I rub on your face and kiss you softly on your lips. Embrace the warmth of your body and proceed to express what you mean to me. Your beauty as radiant as the night sky while the moon is full. Your laugh so contagious, I just miss the way you sound. If I could have this moment for eternity I would be the happiest man in the world. But that's just what you do for me, make me forget all about the problems of this world. This love I have for you reminds me why I'm alive.

    This reminds me that all that I have EVER endured in my life was worth it because of this moment I'm able to share with you now. This reminds me why any other woman that hurt me and broke me down emotionally can be forgiven because you taught me how to love again. You make me feel like I can be myself and never have to be someone that I'm not. This is the highest I've ever felt without even taking drugs. Baby Girl YOU are my drug. I Love You and I'm willing to tell you this for the rest of my life and everyday if I have to. GOD blessed my life when he sent me you. You make me feel alive because you are my heart. If love had a definition it would be the physical picture of what you and I have. The way you put your makeup on every morning and effortlessly enhance your beauty without even trying. GOD saved you just for me when you entered my life. I knew that I wanted you to be my wife for the rest of my life when I saw you. 

    Baby you make me feel strong when I'm weak. You lift me up when this world tries their best to tear me down. You are my voice of reason when I feel like I'm about to do something crazy. The day I get on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage; that will be the second best decision I made in my life, because the first one was when I gave you my heart. This is what I feel, and this is the limitless unconditional love I've yearned to have for you baby girl. I can't even stay mad at you when you upset me because you are my love. You are my soul; the bright light at the end of the tunnel, you're the cherry on top like a great ending to your favorite movie. When we make love I put my all into it because you mean everything to me.

     I want my body to express that unlimited love I have for you. I don't just love you girl, but I'm In Love with you. I want to grow old with you, have some kids with you and hold your hand in the rain. I don't even mind being vulnerable with you because you genuinely have my back. So to sum it all up; this is what I feel for you girl, it will NEVER change. To that FUTURE woman of my life, wherever in this world you may be right now, just know that I Love you.......

I Grind

I grind everyday like it's going to be my last day on earth 

I grind like  I'm going to be as broke as I was a few months ago

I grind for my future that won't be handed to me by anyone just because I want it

I grind like the world is against me

I grind because my ancestors fought for me to be able to be all that I deserve to be

I grind because my family believes in me even though this society stamps me as a criminal & I've never even been to prison

I grind for my future wife and kids so they can be proud of me and love me the way I've always wanted 

I grind for the man I use to be; because despite losing what he felt was everything, he would change everything around him

I grind because I can't afford not to be successful 

I grind because life won't give me handouts and feel sorry for me because my father was never there for me, I'm my OWN MAN

I grind because I will leave the kind of legacy that will shape and change the way this world will be forever

I grind because I can't afford to stop

I grind because my billions of dollars I've earned will give opportunities to Black Children that this society hates so much

I grind because I love myself enough to believe in me even no one else does

I grind because I want to be successful more then anything else

I grind because I see myself sitting at the head of my multi-billion dollar companies building futures for generations to come

I grind because GOD has ordained me to be a leader even when I use to not want to be one

I grind because I can't slow down my momentum because the road to success is a long one, and I can't afford to stop even if I'm tired

I grind because there were people that made me feel like I could never be the man I finally am

I grind because I love myself enough to love me even if the woman I was in love with left me

I grind because you can't seek love from everyone else if you can't fully love yourself first

I grind because I can't be everything to everyone else and be nothing to myself 

I grind because even though this society doesn't believe in me my success will speak for itself 

I grind to escape from being fine with complacency

I grind because my mind is my greatest weapon and standing in the midst of any adversity I will conquer it

I grind because one day when I'm an old man; sitting on my terrace looking out to the ocean that I own, sitting and watching my grandchildren play and my wife right beside me, I'll remember all what I faced to get what I have. To leave the legacy I always knew I would leave. And when my children bury me after living a VERY LONG LIFE; I would want them to remember that despite all I have, I was able to leave them all I had, because I grind....

Don't be fooled, just keep on reading

       I just want to be everything to you, but I can't be everything to everyone. My heart is big; but It's not something that everyone has the pleasure of having. I know that I will fuck up, say things, do things; maybe even make you cry, but I'm worth it. I'm not perfect but I make life worth it. I have a heart that's big as the tallest building but my love isn't as deep as the abyss. I can't be everything to everyone because I'm only ONE person. We tend to always talk about the women in our lives who give and do so much, and I genuinely commend them. But what about the good men out there that seemingly get overlooked? What about the Fathers, brothers, sons, boyfriends and husbands that handle their business in any and every scenario possible? It's always been interesting to me to see women take the opportunity on social media to commend seeing posts and pictures that express how men should cater to their needs and be available to do any and everything that their hearts desires. That all men are dogs and a man should be proud to have her because she's "a blessing from above" . Well here is a post that will give anyone (specifically speaking to women right now) who believe this way of thinking applies in all situations will wind up alone; or better yet, stay alone. A relationship is all about GIVE and TAKE, not just giving or not just taking. It's about a significant level of balance on both ends of the spectrum. Now I am a man that was raised by strong women his entire life. So I for one know far too well what a strong, independent black woman looks like. My mother, grandmother, sisters and Aunts deserve the world and so much more because they did and still do so much. 

       I would never let anyone disrespect or treat them less then great because they are great women; but the way we were all raised, we were taught to treat others the way we want to be treated. To listen, communicate and respect the way Inwhich we expect others to do for us. Frankly I feel women want to talk and never listen, to express but not want to be expressed to and they want you to show them emotions but tell you that you're way too sensitive when you express you are being mistreated by them. I can admit that women get the short end of the stick in quite a few scenarios; however, that doesn't justify the fact that you should cater to your man if you want to be catered to. Now I am not talking about the women catering to a man who does nothing for you emotionally, mentally or physically. That's not a real relationship and not only is it unhealthy; but it will lead to resentment and hatred and cause cheating, and I don't condone that behavior no matter who's doing it. Your love life won't always be filled with kisses and hugs, and honestly it's not suppose to be. But there should be more moments of happiness and smiles then anything else. I can only speak for myself when I say this; I don't expect my significant other to do for me what I do for her every time I do something for her, but I do expect her to do for me the way I do for her. What I mean by that is if I give 100% I expect 100% in return. I've always hated hearing when people say "relationships are based off both giving 50/50". My response right after I hear that is "if both people give 50% then really we're only giving half of what we should in that relationship". 

       People don't realize that it's truly power in words! That what you say to someone can make or break that person. It can alter the very fiber of who they are forever. My mother often told my two sisters and I as children; even now as adults, that it's not what you say it's how you say things. My mother also has told us that sorry doesn't always make situations better; and I'll add on to that by saying, at times the damage has already been done once you spew out that unnecessary hatred you may feel temporaryly. In the heat of the moment we ALL say things we may not mean or fully mean, but it doesn't justify saying it because you're upset at that moment. In that moment you can say something that cuts so deep that person you knew may be someone totally different. It's power in the tongue; and if you have read the bible, clearly it expresses that often throughout passages in the bible. 

       I will say this though; love is a constant battle, and I don't mean arguing or fighting, but a constant changing agent. A union between two people who love one another and will do whatever it takes to preserve what they have. Sometimes in life we tend to take one another for granted. You become so use to having that person around that you become content. Honestly I feel like you get so content that you forgot about that moment you two fell in love. You forgot about how you use to have butterflies every time you heard their name or whenever you saw them. You get so deep into everything that you want and expect to have, allowing yourself to overlook what's right in front of you. When did "WE" turn into "ME"? You've got to swallow your pride and realize that what you have is worth more then the most expensive artifact in the world. I speak from experience when I say that you must adore and appreciate the the little things in life. Don't be so wrapped up in trying to gain the world and lose sight of the ones you hold dear in YOUR OWN WORLD! 

      As a man its human nature for us to be hesitant to be the bigger person and apologize; even if to a certain degree we didn't do something wrong, and it was you that did it. Just don't make it worse by making us feel more bad then we already do. As my sister Autumn has told me; "be graceful when you're right", it's really no reason to make a bad situation. Communication, Respect and Honesty are the three key components in a relationship that seem to get overlooked by people. The deciding factor to me is who can be the bigger person and say they apologize? When you love someone you love them for who they are and not what you can gain from them. It is so rare to have people love each other for no other reason but for the reason of love. It seems to me like people of my generation hold so much emphasis on gaining something because of fear of losing everything. Seeing it happen to their parent or friends or even themselves. It's almost like you're expecting so much because you're fearful that that person will give you nothing back. But like pookie (my mrs) always tells me; "you've got to give for all the right reasons, because people won't always give you back what you've given to them". Frankly she's right! When you cater to or give your loved one something; do it because you want to reassure them of your love for them, and not a ego booster. If I've lost you for a split second; what I mean is don't do anything so you can throw it up later, making it seem like you're so great. You really may be, but do it because you just want to see your loved one happy!

     I know that Eva (my mrs) loves me and there's no one that can express otherwise to me. I've taken her for granted in a lot of instances. She's been the ONLY woman in my life that I've been in a committed relationship with that has loved me for ME! Not for what she can gain or what I can give her, but for me. I remember when I lost my job from a company that let me go due to racism. I felt less then a man because I was use to being a man who provides and she continued to stay with me. That was at the beginning of our relationship; which was a testament to me, which made me realize that she wasn't into me because I was making a lot of money but for the fact I made her laugh and smile. Happiness is key and without it you can lose yourself or maybe even those who mean the world to you. I remember when I would say "I don't want to gain the world, I just want to matter in it". Frankly I still do; but if I don't have the love from my pookie and my daughter and my mother and sisters, fuck everything else! What I do know is I have NEVER loved and will NEVER love another woman the way I love MY pookie bear! Her love is boundless and no one can tell me otherwise. You know who was always there and who never really was there when you are at your lowest. 

        I do hope that I have given someone the opportunity to realize what they have and cherish it, because life has a way of taking away who or what you take for granted. Cater to the ones you love and give of yourself continuously! With us losing twins due to doctor malpractice, dealing with losing family members and a slew of other craziness her love still remains. With love like that I see why I've had to endure so much to get who I'm blessed to have! Hard times build strong people, we endure much to acquire much in the end. Be scared to lose the ones you love because they mean that much to you. NEVER take people for granted especially when you love them...