The Siege For Self-Worth

       Honestly; I have not been inspired to write that much on this site of mine, for a lot of different reasons. I've been going through emotional, financial, and psychological issues. So my focus has not really been about giving the type of content that I know people who genuinely support me, are content with. Rather, all I have been doing is just posting bull shit content the last three weeks. I realize that, and I genuinely apologize for that. I don't think that people realize that whenever I am really posting my work (except for the last three weeks of mediocre content) I pour my heart and soul into my body of work. I actually sit there in my room; listen to a song or two that put me in a specific mindset, and I then write. Write about whatever it is that is on my mind or in my heart at that time. I have posted content on here that I feel have been some of my best work; hell, I've said things on here that I didn't ever think people would be inspired by.

       I've had people tell me that my posts have made them better people. I even like the comments of people telling me that they didn't like or even agree with that I wrote because they had a difference of opinion. Feedback is something I have come to appreciate because I realize that when I sit here and bravely expound on something that I chose to speak about, people are going to say something whether I want them to or not. However, people don't realize how much it took me to even begin this website I started about one hundred twenty-two posts and seven years ago!

        I remember When I told a few people at that time how I wanted to write and post content, not only about myself and my circumstances but just all around content. There were so many unsupportive people. I even had people tell me "Since when are you a writer?" Mind you I have ALWAYS admired being a writer and doing poetry. In Highschool I had a deep passion for poetry, it was something I always loved and was really good at. My Teacher, Ms. Brown never made me feel like I could not do anything. Even the Pastor and Founder of the School Mount Pleasant Christian Academy made me feel like I could do anything that I put my mind to. They made me feel like it was blessing to be Black, not a burden like this world seems to make people feel who are a part of the Black Diaspora. If you believe in yourself and what you do, it doesn't matter what other people believe.

       Just because people are afraid to dream big, and are complacent in what they do don't stop. Your walk through life is not theirs, and their walk is not yours. always strive for excellence, and never place yourself in a box, even if others may do so. Compete only with yourself, and never settle. I feel like people have always doubted me; my potential, and what I was capable of accomplishing. I have always felt like the underdog, and have had to prove myself in quite a few instances. But I'm cool with that because I realize that people place you in boxes that they really place themselves in. Meaning; people reflect their own insecurities on you instead of doing better for themselves, it is easier to tear you down instead of attempting to build themselves up. It's just a never-ending cycle of self-destructive perpetual negative thoughts and reflective behavior. I for one don't have the time or energy to entertain that or any type of negative behaviors.

       I just want to leave you with this thought, you are important! You are worthy, and I love you! I feel like there were times in my life I wanted to hear that, I damn near yearned for it and it never was said to me. When I was at my lowest point and felt like I wanted to die or to be saved from my own self-destructive behavior, nothing was said. There are going to be times in life where someone isn't going to be encouraging to you. People won't tell you things that you may even deserve to hear or have said to you. You have got to learn to LOVE YOURSELF and INSPIRE YOURSELF!!!! Remember that no matter what you decided to do the decision begins and ends with YOU! I have realized a long time ago that my words have power, that when I speak and write people listen to me. That my words mean something to people, even if I don't know them. I have not really used this platform that I have to the best of my abilities, and for those who read this know that I will do better by you. I don't take for granted the nearly 10,000 people worldwide who read my posts! I want to better myself daily with this and I want everyone to partake in this journey I find myself a part of. Never Ever give up, because the last time you gave up may have been the next time you could have found yourself reaching heights even greater than you could have fathomed!

(BELIEVE) (IN) (YOU)R DREAMS!

     This is just something to encourage those that need it. For the people that have lost all hope for each and everything in their lives. This is for the people who dream big, and feel like things aren't coming along the way they wanted them to. Lets be honest, life can be VERY hard and difficult to get through sometimes. Of course you're alive and people tell you not to complain because things could always be worse, but that doesn't erase the fact that you want things to change. It doesn't change the fact that you may feel like things will never work in your favor, and you're just tired of failures and disappointments. You're feeling alone, and in your mind there is no one that is going through what you are. 

     I'm here to say that there is a host of individuals out in this world dealing with the same issues you may be going through. As big as this world is someone at this very moment wants change, and what you may not realize is their situation is much more difficult then your own. Now this doesn't negate how you feel, or mean you don't have the right to be frustrated or upset. I'm just saying keep moving forward and trying your very best, no matter how you're feeling or what everyone else thinks. The people we admire the most or aspire to be like, didn't get to where they are by feeling sorry for themselves, or give into a defeated mentality. They gave every inch of their very being until they couldn't give anymore.

      Life was never meant to be easy, if it was then there would be no such thing as success stories. We couldn't inspire anyone else to be better, because we would all have everything in our lives together. But since that's definitely not the case; it's your job to not only keep trying, but to encourage yourself. Appreciate who you see in the mirror, love them, and support them even when no one else will. I guarantee that once you do that internally, externally you'll pour out what you believe. Success wasn't built overnight, so don't expect it to happen that way. Instead keep trying, even when you're worried and want to give in. Just believe in your dreams, and everyone else will follow suit and believe in them also. Remember there is no such thing as a loser, there is only such a person who lost momentarily to go back and win the next time.

I Grind

I grind everyday like it's going to be my last day on earth 

I grind like  I'm going to be as broke as I was a few months ago

I grind for my future that won't be handed to me by anyone just because I want it

I grind like the world is against me

I grind because my ancestors fought for me to be able to be all that I deserve to be

I grind because my family believes in me even though this society stamps me as a criminal & I've never even been to prison

I grind for my future wife and kids so they can be proud of me and love me the way I've always wanted 

I grind for the man I use to be; because despite losing what he felt was everything, he would change everything around him

I grind because I can't afford not to be successful 

I grind because life won't give me handouts and feel sorry for me because my father was never there for me, I'm my OWN MAN

I grind because I will leave the kind of legacy that will shape and change the way this world will be forever

I grind because I can't afford to stop

I grind because my billions of dollars I've earned will give opportunities to Black Children that this society hates so much

I grind because I love myself enough to believe in me even no one else does

I grind because I want to be successful more then anything else

I grind because I see myself sitting at the head of my multi-billion dollar companies building futures for generations to come

I grind because GOD has ordained me to be a leader even when I use to not want to be one

I grind because I can't slow down my momentum because the road to success is a long one, and I can't afford to stop even if I'm tired

I grind because there were people that made me feel like I could never be the man I finally am

I grind because I love myself enough to love me even if the woman I was in love with left me

I grind because you can't seek love from everyone else if you can't fully love yourself first

I grind because I can't be everything to everyone else and be nothing to myself 

I grind because even though this society doesn't believe in me my success will speak for itself 

I grind to escape from being fine with complacency

I grind because my mind is my greatest weapon and standing in the midst of any adversity I will conquer it

I grind because one day when I'm an old man; sitting on my terrace looking out to the ocean that I own, sitting and watching my grandchildren play and my wife right beside me, I'll remember all what I faced to get what I have. To leave the legacy I always knew I would leave. And when my children bury me after living a VERY LONG LIFE; I would want them to remember that despite all I have, I was able to leave them all I had, because I grind....

GOD, why did you make me BLACK?

     GOD may I ask you a question? Why did you make me? Why did you love me? And why did you allow your "only begotten Son" to die for my sins? What made me so special and unique to be able to think the way that I do? Why do you love me; but why allow those that hate me so, to hurt me? Why did you make me black? Why did you allow slavery to last for hundreds of years; yet the physical chains no longer in plain sight, the mental bondage I have within me I struggle with so I don't conform to what I'm suppose to do to bigotry. At times I hate you because the things you do is like a witness to a crime that does nothing but sit back and watch. Yet in other instances you're like a parent merely guiding me in the direction of understanding who I truly am. What is good and who is truly evil? What is evil, but are they really good? The things I thought I knew seem to become such a contridiction the older I become. It just seems to me like a complicated puzzle piece that will never truly come together until I fathom that fact that all that I seem to believe I understand is not really what it is. It's the underlying piece that can't be seen with the naked eye that is the truth, and not the surface piece that I'm forever to bare witness to, that has no real purpose in the first place. The fact that we as people give titles and importance to insignificant things; only proves that we won't ever truly understand one another the way we could, if we just respected what the other thought or felt, even if it wasn't our own ideas. The sad part I have come to realize is even if we didn't find importance in race, religion, color, social classes or beliefs; we would still find a reason to make the other seem inferior or superior, because what would define us would only be how we view things. The fact the one person sees the glass as half full while the other finds it half empty; when in fact the only true importance is realizing that there's a cup there to begin with. Why is it an issue to ask why? Why is it such an issue for a person to want to believe in the the things unseen and not yet formed; and is this truly such an outlandish way of thinking? Is it really a far out way of thinking, or is it just a way for those who are inferior to place those truly superior in a box? 

       The fear of the "unknown" is what people fear the most. The things that they themselves can not control or manipulate because they were not the ones to create or enforce whatever it was that was unique in the first place. And when I say "they" I mean those too afraid to tap into their fullest potential, so they make you feel like your potential in unattainable. The ones who just made the mark or don't want to be anything more then they already are. The people who hate who they are but hate the ones who want to be more then who they already are in the first place. What really makes a person who is rich better then a person who is poor? NOTHING! But how you ask? Because WE give value to things that have NO value in the first place. The reason why there is such thing as a government and rules and rich and poor is because there are people who chose to make things that they want others to believe as "structured". But is this structure that seems to be enforced and seemingly effortlessly put into place made to help us or is it really a hindrance? The fact that we have police officers who are put into an academy for eighteen months to be taught to protect and to serve us are the same people out to hurt hurt us. Targeting a certain set of people just because they are different? Doesn't that sound almost like Al Qaeda? What makes the ones who are considered "Law Enforcement" so difference to those who are Into intense radicalism and the inhalation of people for no justifiable reason; oh I know why, because they are upholding to the law right? Yet the same laws that were teaching these "cops" courtesy, professionalism and respect are putting tears to the faces of mothers and fathers to parents like those of Michael Brown. Where's the justice in hurting innocent people? Where's the CPR way of life in all that unnecessary chaos the police seem to be getting away of?

       Though the chains are long gone; and one man can't be sold to another, black mothers fear that their sons will be sold to the highest bidder that is irreversible to come back from....death! And the Angel of death is definitely meeting the quota by not having a shortage of black males to take along with him. I'm just a Black male in America trying to not only find my place in this world but make a difference while I'm in it. I don't come from wealth and I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I have been destined to do things that others said couldn't be done. If we're going to go by what society has stated; I'm suppose to be a criminal, dead or living the rest of my life as a felon. I'm twenty-six years old now and I've never even been to prison or have a record. No felony nor misdemeanor no nothing. Just a man who is in love with his wife and kids and family. So I should be marked a criminal just because of the hue of my flesh? I am as good as a slave almost because my ancestors were? I like to tell people that slaves were not on those ships being shipped to places all over this world several hundred years ago. They were doctors and lawyers, architects and entrepreneurs, scientist, mothers and fathers, NOT SLAVES! They were simply being oppressed by people too inferior to realize that the only reason they feared these people is because they were much more superior then they were. These people made social classes and made math and science. They did things that others were too afraid to do themselves. So what happened was they were taken into slavery to rebuild things that those who oppressed them could NEVER create in one-thousand lifetimes if they tried to. And that is how America was recreated into the seemingly global phenomena it is now. On the backs and oppression of fearless and brave individuals such as African Americans. A group of people who don't know where they were rooted from, who their ancestors are and whom they are. 

       I am more then my skintone and hue, I am not a nigger or a nigga, I am not a thief or a criminal either. All I am is a man who wants to change the world and help build and do things that help and benefit others. So the real question I have to ask GOD is why did he make me black? Well the answer is simple, GOD only gives his most difficult tasks to his most worthy, and only those who are brave and fearless would be graced to be what I am. This world is cruel and unforgiving, but the first will be last and the last shall be first. Black people have reigned at the top since the beginning of civilization; then for a few hundred years we had to go through hardships, and now we are actually heading back to our proper place on the balance of life. And the government and those in "high places" will do everything in what they consider to be power tear us down; but you've got to be ready, ready to be great at all costs. But when it's all said and done just remember this; it isn't how many times your are at the top that matters, but how many times you rise from the bottom and get to the top! So why did GOD made me Black? It is because I continue on even when all that I have seems to be nonexistent. Even when I'm put in a box I stand out and keep going even when all hope seems lost. I will leave you with this final thought; something I truly believe in and live by, and that is "The one who's fallen and gotten up, is much stronger then the one who's never fallen at all".