What is Unconditional Love?

   The beginning of Love is to let those we love perfectly be themselves, and not make them fit our own image. Otherwise we only love the reflection of our image we created for them, and not the person we should accept them as. Basically what I'm saying is loving a person despite their faults and hang ups, unconditionally loving that person no matter what. Not forcing or molding them into "the best fit" for you. The problem MOST people have is trying to make people be something or someone they aren't because we feel it's "for their own good". Realistically people see you differently then you see yourself. That can be something good or bad; but it's up to you to accept how others view you or how you would like to be viewed.
    
    I use to be the kind of person that would conform myself to what other people viewed me as. I felt like if I just acted the way other people thought I should I would be accepted. People would like me and I would be liked by everyone; however, I thought wrong. The thing about people is they don't even fully accept and appreciate who they are, so how could I ever believe they would accept me even after I conform myself to their ways? I read somewhere that when we view ourselves in the mirror our eyes makes us believe that we are at least 5X more attractive then we truly are. It's mind boggling how our brain can make us think or even believe things that we wouldn't normally believe otherwise.

   Love is something that can never truly be explained even if we had ten lifetimes to figure it out. It's a concept that has endless views depending on the individual who "believes" in it. You have some who believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder; and if such things are true, why can't we just accept certain things for what they are no matter what we ourselves believe? Naturally we want to fix what we believe is broken, that's just in our nature to do so. Sometimes it's just best to take a step back; and allow those we claim to love figure out who that person is they see in the mirror everyday, instead of trying to tell them who they should be looking for.

   It's in our nature to do what we believe is best for those we love, but do we truly know? Is it that we are giving them that "sound advice" we believe they need to hear? Or are we just trying to transform that person into someone that best appeases us? Whatever the case may be, allow that person to make their own decisions. In the end; they are the ones who have to live with what they see in the mirror everyday, no matter what you believe they should see.

   I honestly think that we ALL need to take a step back, and really ask ourselves if we are fully aware of what unconditional love is. Love is more then just an expression, concept or even an idea, it's the single driving force that can make you do just about anything. Love is the most powerful drug, and once you've gotten a taste of it; it's hard to kick the habit. Too much of anything is bad, but not when it comes to love. Remember to love a person for who they are, and not for who you want them to be. Learn to accept somone the way you want to be accepted; and once you understand that, you are truly one step away from unconditionally loving even yourself...

Self awareness of internal happiness

    People always try to find happiness in things and people; which is exactly why they wind up never being happy in the first place. True happiness comes from realizing all that you're blessed with, not with what's missing. At the end of the day be thankful for what is and what's going to be, NOT with what's gone and the lack thereof...Realistically that's easier said then done but it can be implemented if you work hard at making it happen. What people don't realize is just like loving and going after what you want in life; it takes some sort of continuous work. That same formula should be applied to being happy. It's not as easy as people believe it is either; but like all things, it can be done.

   Self awareness is important, when you're aware you're educating yourself. Knowledge is the key to better understanding; it's the key to open the doors of success. With much success comes some sort of knowledge to keep it going. Now what I said originally still stands because you have to always work to stay happy. It's not allowing anyone or anything to make you depressed or even miserable. I for one believe that mantras; when executed effectively, allow you to believe in yourself and the preservation of your own happiness. NO ONE, and I mean no one can truly make you happy until you are comfortable being happy with and for yourself.

  I'm going to leave you with this, you can never make someone believe in your visions if you yourself don't believe in them first. With that being said, your happiness is just that important. Always take time to work on yourself and what's best for YOU. Success doesn't happen over night, it comes when your one thousand failures are worth it; from self awareness of your true potential, through knowledge and understanding of failure. Believing in yourelf is only part of wanting happiness, happiness comes when you believe it's worth having. 
So remember to be happy, because you are definitely deserving of it...

Short Letter to my Black Queens

The Black woman is the most unprotected, unloved woman on earth. She holds down the family, she even holds down the home and continues to be radiant and shine bright despite the darkness all around her. She is the only flower that grows unwatered; she's a sight to see and her beauty is unlike no other. Thank you my beautiful Black Queens, I'm appreciative of your strength and I'm blessed to know you...

Sincerely;
A lover of Black Women

Extinguished flame

We were caught in a whirl wind of passion, I thought you had my best interest; until you showed less interest. Hours of phone conversations and text messages became nothing, as though we were two strangers walking past one another on the street. When you said you loved me I believed you, there wasn't anyone that could tell me otherwise. And a part of me still believes that you still love me; but your pride won't let you show it. The hurt you gave me ran deep temporarily, because I realized I could do better. I say that not out of spite, but because emotionally we were on two different mind frames. You owe me nothing; but I owe you everything, because you showed me what a woman shouldn't do; which is leaving a man giving his all while knowing you'll leave him stranded. Two could never become one because we were never equally yoked. But you aren't to blame, because things would have never stayed the same, I just wish you the very best my extinguished flame...

Blueprint to your Daughter's Relationship

       So I was on my way to pick up my check from work; well by this time I was in the train station waiting for the 6 train. I'm sitting there on the bench, on my phone calculating how much of my check was going to bills, and I hear this loud commotion. It's this young couple around my age arguing, however; the guy is the one being the loudest. He's cursing at what seems to be the mother of his daughter (who's holding their daughter at that point in time). He's calling her out of her name, and he's threatening to physically assault her in front of everybody.

       Honestly I'm looking right at him at this point and time and he doesn't even make eye contact with me. One thing I've been taught from little is any man that can't look you in your eyes or face is spineless, and it was obvious to me that he wasn't anywhere near a man. You can threaten a woman and say how you'll slap her and embarrass her in front of everybody in a crowded train station, but you can't even look another man in the face.

       It's amazing to me that he would find that appropriate to even come out his mouth in the first place. He even slowly walked further away from where I was because I believe deep down inside he knew that what he said made him a coward. I don't know whether or not he did hit her when they went somewhere else, but what I do know is you don't say anything like that in front of your child. This is the image you want your daughter to see? This is what you want her to believe is "normal" so when she has a relationship she allows him to beat on her?

       It saddens me honestly because I can only imagine what he does to her when they're in private. Calling her dumb and stupid and beating her in front of their baby daughter. My heart sincerely goes out to the women who goes through that type of physical, verbal and psychological abuse consistently. Continuing on such a cycle that has the capability to do nothing but hurt more and more people.

       I wish people would wake up realize that it takes a father to raise his daughter; to show her how a woman is to be treated. Whether or not you stay with the mother of your child; respect her because she's someone who's raising your children. Whether or not you believe it you're the blueprint to your child's future relationship. Keep your hands to yourself and be the kind of man you want you daughter to be with, not someone you would hurt if your daughter was hurt by them.

Be alone together

      It's times like this I think of you, looking outside into the distance wondering what you're doing. Saying to myself how was I so blessed to have you apart of my life? How two can become one as though two colors were mixed on a canvas. Let me be the brush and you be the palate, expressing all thoughts and emotions deep as though I'm speaking to you with my lips. Telling you everything you mean to me, and never being ashamed to express those feelings I feel for you. You see I'm use to being alone, dealing with my issues like a lone wolf. Never really showing the side of my vulnerability because I can't. Not because I can't but because I don't want to.

      I'll be as clear as a mirror showing you everything I never wanted you to see because the mirror never lies. And it's not that I want to lie to you, it's just that I'm afraid; and not the fear of negative thoughts but fearful that I'll fall. Fall deeply for you and expose the thoughts my heart wants to say but my lips tell you instead. If this was a dream I don't ever want to wake up from it; and if granted one last wish, it would be to see your smile. Your smile is as bright as the stars that shine in the night sky to let us know they're alive. You make life worth living because my life seems brighter with you apart of it. And you may not be perfect but you're perfect for me. You see I'm not trying to tell you anything but the truth, my truth.

     You're the kind of woman I want to put a ring on, the one I want a future with. The person I want to always wake up next to and kiss without any cares of your morning breath. You're the one I want to grow old with, and have children with and watch you walk with a pregnant belly. Kissing your stomach; and knowing that the child will come into the world with both parents who genuinely love one another. I would never hurt you and the only tears I would give you is that of joy because that's what I'm filled with each time I speak to you. If God ever made the perfect woman you are the blue print he chose to make perfection. I Look deep into my eyes and realize that you're all I want and need in a woman.

     You hold a special place in my heart because I never felt like this before. And I could care less what others think or feel because what we have is real. Our love is as real as the reality that we live in. Believe me when I say I love you, I mean that from the depths of my soul. But my goal is not to just tell you how much you mean to me, but allow you to see that my love is as infinite as God's love for us all. And if I had to be alone ever again; I would much rather be alone...together...with you.

My unspoken truth

Dear Dad,

I always wanted you to know what I felt, how much hurt and pain you dealt.

The birthdays, Christmas's and graduations missed, the fact that you gave me your ass to kiss.

I don't remember much happiness, I remember more pain, thank God you left I was going insane.

You missed out on my achievements and didn't care to see, you could care less about who I was destined to be.

I grew up a fatherless child, so at times my behavior was relentless and wild.

Thank God for me Mother, Grandmother, Aunts, Sisters and friends. Without their support I don't know where I would have been.

It's not like you died or lived in another state, the thought of you use to bring about hate.

I use to look at myself and say why do I favor you? But now I realize I'm nothing like you.

I don't hate you but as a child I did,
But I forgive your actions and the things you did.

How you use to humility me and beat me so, but God knew what he did when he let you go.

But despite everything I want to thank you, I don't hate you or wish anything but the best for you.

Yes it's true, I grew up fatherless with no guidance from a man; but despite it all here I stand.

I stand tall, conquering every adversity I've ever had. But I must admit I'm sad, and not for myself but for you.

Because no matter how long you try to play catch up you'll never really know who I am, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

But dad I don't want you to think this is a letter telling you how much I hate you or how much you've missed. It's to reassure myself that there's nothing to miss.

But thank you, you've opened my eyes when I was too blind to see, that you're the man who in fact taught me who I don't want to be...

Sincerely,
                  
The Son you never knew; Derrick Tirrone Lewis Jr.