The Beast That's Unforgiving

       My feelings are numb, nothing like how they use to be as a child. This world has hardened my heart, and the bit of soul that I have is slowly leaving me. The times I do watch the television or check out the news all I see is something negative. We have a president in office that doesn't care about anything or anyone. His own wife doesn't want to have anything to do with him. It just goes to show you that money doesn't bring happiness if it was never there, to begin with. Time sure does fly when you're out here living it. Rent is due, bills to pay and you try to have an honest job but the streets are calling you. That fast money that I don't have to wait two weeks for. I can go right on that block and sell those rocks and push that cocaine. Trying to be pure, but for what? This world was never good or fair to me, when was it ever easy? Too Black for white America; tattoos running down both sleeves, that's my expression for the art I love in this twisted nightmare I'm living daily.

       People look at my name tag and see ambitious and a writer and make a confused face. I mean I couldn't possibly be anything more because I'm Black right? When you see me you assume that I have a child and have to have back child support I owe when I haven't had any children since my ex-girlfriend lost my twins so many years ago. I find myself looking in the mirror when I wash my face and as I look back at myself I wonder who I am. Am I being myself or being what everyone else wants me to be? Am I being the best Dee possible or playing it safe? I'm from the Eastside of Harlem where you hustle, fearing nobody but GOD himself because in your eyes you are a GOD. Walking this earth trying not to let it taint you. When you see the police sirens you get numb, you're immune to seeing the hatred in that police officers eyes for you. The way he's ready to shoot you and not think twice about it. Meanwhile, you have a full scholarship to any University of your choice; his child though is home snorting up cocaine, trying to feel some kind of love from anything since he doesn't do anything but beat her because of the pressures of his job.

       It's funny how we find ourselves trying to receive love, even if it's all in the wrong places. Trying to be accepted by people who are in a worse space than we are. Way too scared to be great so they'll make you feel like nothing when you're everything and so much more. I have survived things that should have killed me, I lost so many things and people you would have thought would break me and it hasn't. I have laughed at death in the face and kept going. I'm my mother's only son, so it's my job to rise above the adversities I face. I can't afford to crumble like anyone else. I have all this love in my heart but how can I show it with all this hate in the world? I remember when I was younger, going through the phase of rebellion, allowing the world's many evils to tantalize me. I was getting ready to leave the house and my mother said that every time I left the house she was scared I wouldn't come back. She had a look of pain and regret, her eyes were crying out for me; but through my cold young demeanor, I couldn't really see that. I thought that the streets were my playground, a place for me to run free with others just like me. Not realizing at that time that it wasn't anything out there for me but trouble. Guns intrigued me, and the thrill of doing things that could get me in trouble was a rush.

       Fast forwarding ten years later; about three weeks before my 29th birthday, and my mindset is totally different. Life is a never-ending journey that has twists and turns, but it's well worth the journey. Though this world is unforgiving I still forgive. You can't let the hate of this world stop you from being the loving person you are. Just know that if you love yourself you'll never be alone. That when you believe in yourself everyone else will do the same. One man can change the world, and I have realized that that man is me.......

Live Your Truth

       I'm always dolo (by myself for those unsure of the meaning). I don't need a bunch of people to feel empowered to the highest degrees. I don't need the acceptance of people who are too afraid to live out their dreams and make them a reality. So they attempt to make me feel less than because they are less than worthy to accomplish anything. It's really up to you to make shit happen and I say this with the utmost respect because I believe it. Believing is the first step to accepting what is and what will be. It's taking responsibility when no one else will. It's doing all that you can even when it feels too hard to do. It's looking those adversities right in the eyes and doing all that can be done to overcome it. Who are you not to excel? A question easier to think about trying to figure out then Accomplishing? I ask questions that at times seem too hard to figure out. And to be honest with you I battle with myself every day because I'm playing "tug of war" with myself; trying to figure out my way in the world.

       This world is way too unforgiving to those genuinely trying to make it without fucking people over to get to the top. Being manipulative and sneaky to get what they feel to be the "unattainable". I have always been extremely mindful of the people I associate myself with because I realize that the people you befriend paints a picture of who you are. Then again I have not always been the way I am now. I thought that I needed to have a bunch of people around me to have some level of importance. Not realizing at the time that it's all about the quality of people, not the quantity. In your times of need is exactly where you realize where you stand with people, not the times where everything is going fine.

       When I was nearly homeless and found myself wondering where I was going to get the money to have more to eat, that's where I realized where I stood with people. People can tell you all they want to how much they will be there, it's the actions that back up those words that matter the most. I have had times in my life where I only ate one time because I had just enough money to at least feed my family and myself once a day, then go out and pretend to the world that I was fine when I really wasn't. Then people don't make things any easier by being judgemental or inconsistent.

       With a lot of experiences in my life that I have faced, you would think that I would be broken mentally or even psychologically. However, I found that I thrived and rose above it all; Because I realized that I had a larger purpose, and it was bigger than me. You can't go into the world feeling sorry or victimizing yourself. No one is going to feel sorry for you or even make you feel better all the time. You have got to learn to believe in yourself and give of yourself to yourself because at times all you will have is yourself. I am not being cynical or negative, I am being honest and realistic. We lean too much on the support of others that we think people owe us. In reality, if someone is there for you and shows constant consistency, consider yourself blessed. Be thankful and grateful, not because they are there, but because they are being constant in their actions while being there for you!

       Never let your adversities or adversaries get in the way of what you need to do for yourself.  You have got to learn to believe in yourself even when others doubt you. Even if your family doesn't understand why you do it, or your friends don't believe in you. Keep on going, because there is not only light at the end of that dark tunnel, but you will see it through! I feel like a lot that I am now being blessed with was a long time coming. I needed to experience rock bottom to appreciate slowing rising to the top. I genuinely feel that you can never truly appreciate what it takes to get anything if you have never lost something. The reason I say that is because when you are finally getting things you deserve, you appreciate them because you realize everything it took to get it. I have lost so much in my life, but yet I still stand tall! I believe that my life purpose is to inspire people and lead others to be their very best. To own many fortune 500 Companies, and be one of the wealthiest Black Men in the world while giving back to my community. I may have been born in the projects and have seen a lot of wicked things this world had to offer, but giving up was never an option. I am a living breathing vessel and a living testimony that when you have a gift you have to present it and give it to the world. Live your truth daily, even if others lie to themselves about their own!

The Siege For Self-Worth

       Honestly; I have not been inspired to write that much on this site of mine, for a lot of different reasons. I've been going through emotional, financial, and psychological issues. So my focus has not really been about giving the type of content that I know people who genuinely support me, are content with. Rather, all I have been doing is just posting bull shit content the last three weeks. I realize that, and I genuinely apologize for that. I don't think that people realize that whenever I am really posting my work (except for the last three weeks of mediocre content) I pour my heart and soul into my body of work. I actually sit there in my room; listen to a song or two that put me in a specific mindset, and I then write. Write about whatever it is that is on my mind or in my heart at that time. I have posted content on here that I feel have been some of my best work; hell, I've said things on here that I didn't ever think people would be inspired by.

       I've had people tell me that my posts have made them better people. I even like the comments of people telling me that they didn't like or even agree with that I wrote because they had a difference of opinion. Feedback is something I have come to appreciate because I realize that when I sit here and bravely expound on something that I chose to speak about, people are going to say something whether I want them to or not. However, people don't realize how much it took me to even begin this website I started about one hundred twenty-two posts and seven years ago!

        I remember When I told a few people at that time how I wanted to write and post content, not only about myself and my circumstances but just all around content. There were so many unsupportive people. I even had people tell me "Since when are you a writer?" Mind you I have ALWAYS admired being a writer and doing poetry. In Highschool I had a deep passion for poetry, it was something I always loved and was really good at. My Teacher, Ms. Brown never made me feel like I could not do anything. Even the Pastor and Founder of the School Mount Pleasant Christian Academy made me feel like I could do anything that I put my mind to. They made me feel like it was blessing to be Black, not a burden like this world seems to make people feel who are a part of the Black Diaspora. If you believe in yourself and what you do, it doesn't matter what other people believe.

       Just because people are afraid to dream big, and are complacent in what they do don't stop. Your walk through life is not theirs, and their walk is not yours. always strive for excellence, and never place yourself in a box, even if others may do so. Compete only with yourself, and never settle. I feel like people have always doubted me; my potential, and what I was capable of accomplishing. I have always felt like the underdog, and have had to prove myself in quite a few instances. But I'm cool with that because I realize that people place you in boxes that they really place themselves in. Meaning; people reflect their own insecurities on you instead of doing better for themselves, it is easier to tear you down instead of attempting to build themselves up. It's just a never-ending cycle of self-destructive perpetual negative thoughts and reflective behavior. I for one don't have the time or energy to entertain that or any type of negative behaviors.

       I just want to leave you with this thought, you are important! You are worthy, and I love you! I feel like there were times in my life I wanted to hear that, I damn near yearned for it and it never was said to me. When I was at my lowest point and felt like I wanted to die or to be saved from my own self-destructive behavior, nothing was said. There are going to be times in life where someone isn't going to be encouraging to you. People won't tell you things that you may even deserve to hear or have said to you. You have got to learn to LOVE YOURSELF and INSPIRE YOURSELF!!!! Remember that no matter what you decided to do the decision begins and ends with YOU! I have realized a long time ago that my words have power, that when I speak and write people listen to me. That my words mean something to people, even if I don't know them. I have not really used this platform that I have to the best of my abilities, and for those who read this know that I will do better by you. I don't take for granted the nearly 10,000 people worldwide who read my posts! I want to better myself daily with this and I want everyone to partake in this journey I find myself a part of. Never Ever give up, because the last time you gave up may have been the next time you could have found yourself reaching heights even greater than you could have fathomed!

Love Is ™

Love is Passion, Love is Pain.
Love is Struggles, Love is Strain.
But Love doesn't cut you to the Vein.
Love isn't divided, Love is United.
Love is indifferent, it's NEVER one Sided.
Love is beautiful no matter the Race.
Love can travel through time and Space.
Love doesn't care about your sex or your Preferences.
Love doesn't need a reason like a job needs References.
Love is more than a concept, it is beyond an Idea.
Love is the first kiss kind of moment, but you get the Idea.
Love has the power to make you Believe.
Love has the capacity to push you to Achieve.
Love is Fearless, Love is Bold.
Love is the never ending story, expressed & Untold.
Love is as deep as the sea in the Abyss.
Love feels like giving your true love that very first Kiss.
Love is mental, it's not just Physical.
Love shouldn't hurt or ever get Physical.
Love is what keeps us; believe me, it's true.
But in order to achieve this feat, it starts with YOU!

Hungry Heart

We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry, 

The truth is there, but our visions are blurry. 

Tired of being alone but we're all in a hurry for love, the single most action we seek. 

We yearn it so much that we'll accept it from anyone even if it's weak. 

Never settle for anything less then you deserve.

Don't stay with something if they have no purpose they serve. 

Believe in your instincts believe In your worth

NEVER settle just for anything because like a priceless diamond realize your worth! 

Hidden Agenda?

As I lay there naked; and ready to please every of your body, for a split second I ask myself why am I here? 

Why am I even having these thoughts now when you chose to give this to me?

Why is it that I am able to detach myself from any form of intimacy, yet I'm here being intimate with you?

Why did you tell me you loved me, then I lied and told you that I loved you back?

Why was I not just honest with you, yet I couldn't be because then I would hurt you?

Why is it that as boys we are forced to be men, yet as men we find ourselves longing to be boys again?

I then take off your clothes; passionately kissing every inch of your vulnerabilty, yet I find myself fighting myself daily to show mine.

Why is that so? Because; It is easier to Climax then climb next to you and let myself go, and let you see my deepest parts of my humanity I chose to throw deep into the abyss of my emotions masked with male bravado and masculinity. 

I just want you to love me for me, can I just be me and not what the world wants me to be?

Why can't I just be honest with myself? Because it is easier to believe a lie then to dig deep down in my own soul and expose the true me. 

The Truth is hard to face when you have yourself to be honest with....TO BE CONTINUED

My Guardian Angel

I miss you Grandma, your  advice and the way you would always make things better. The laughs we shared, you always cared and you never made me feel like I couldn't do anything. You were my strength when I felt weak, my everything. I miss you everyday that passes by, I wish I could hold you one last time. I feel like you made everything so much better. Even now I hear your hearty laugh, and see your smile. The way your eyes would light up every time you would tell my sisters and I stories of you being in South Carolina. How you traveled all the way to New York City on the East Side of Harlem to make a new life with our grandfather. It hurts me that you're not near, every year that passes by. I love you deeply and I wish that I could hear your voice one last time to let me know everything will be alright. But you're my guardian Angel now. Protecting me from all Manner of evil in this world. The times I find myself being lost I think of you and everything feels so much better. It's Almost like you're letting me know you have everything under control. Anyway Grammy, I Love you and I miss you; and I won't ever tell you Goodbye, But I will say I'll see you later....

The Worth of Melanin

       Even now as I sit here; thinking to myself what I'm going to speak about, a bunch of different thoughts are rushing through my mind as always. I'm wondering whether or not I'm going to speak about one thing, or a bunch of different things at once. You see, the things I express on these posts are 110% my OWN thoughts and FEELINGS! Something that frankly I've never really been good at when I wasn't writing. Well that's partly true though, I'll more so say I've yet to have someone fully understand where I'm coming from or how I view something. People are so sensitive about what you say to them but don't care how they speak to you. I feel like in so many ways I've always had to water down who I was so that I wouldn't offend other people. I've never been a momentary thinker, I believe in looking far beyond just the here and now. I've viewed myself as having the power to change things around me, believing in myself when no one else did. I have had to learn to celebrate myself even when others have not. I have lost countless times in many things I've been apart of, and yet I still go on. All I genuinely ever really wanted was for people to believe in me, to show me love and support and even befriend me. In many ways my trust in people has always been on alert because in the end people have hurt me or betrayed me on some level. The times I have been at my lowest I feel like all people really did was just leave me to bare it all alone, but that's something I've grown accustomed to doing. You see greatness doesn't happen overnight; and life can be cruel, but you have  got to realize that not everyone who's with you on this race called life will end it with you happily. along the way you lose people and they won't come back, and that's not always a bad thing either.

       I had a woman once tell me that she loved me but she couldn't be with me, and that confused the shit out of me at the time because I just couldn't understand why. How could you love someone as deeply as she still does love me and not want to be with me? The hard truth is sometimes that's just the way life is, and sometimes there isn't any other thought provoking "deep way" of looking at it. You can love someone and realize you two just can't be. Life changes people everyday, and I'm a prime example of that. How I use to be is a totally different person compared to how I am now. depending on who you may ask, that person may tell you their thoughts of me. Frankly at this juncture in my life I don't really care to be everything to everyone because I can't be. It's hard enough to be everything you need to be to yourself, while still being yourself and still trying to make everyone else happy. People may not know this about me, but I sincerely hate to disappoint people. That probably stems from the fact that I felt like throughout my life as a teen and growing up I feel that I disappointed my family more then made them happy. From doing all types of unspeakable wild things while going to one of the worst middle schools on the East side of Harlem; A.E.S (Academy of Environmental Science Secondary School), which by the way doesn't even exist anymore because it was that bad. To fighting almost everyday, stealing, lying acting out, having concealed weapons. My mother, aunts and grandmother (GOD rest her soul) even looked in my room once to see if I had been selling drugs because I was that out of control and had no real grip on my life. 

       Then my Aunts came up with a solution to put me in a private school on the West side of Harlem called MPCA (Mount Pleasant Christian Academy). To be honest this is where I learned that I was a KING and my passion for poetry and writing resented from. I have ALWAYS been intrigued with business. How they run, how to make them better and having the leadership and ambition to drive a business to the pinnacle. I have always taken pride in my mind and how it works, pushing my brain to peaks far beyond what others think is possible. To be honest I have to give MPCA that credit because they made me believe in myself. They made me realize that I wasn't just another statistic. That where I grew up didn't make a difference to how successful I was going to be in life. We went on international trips, we learned how to appreciate being BLACK when the world made us feel like being Black was a sin. We fed the homeless, worshipped and prayed. I feel like that was some of the best times of my life to be honest. I felt like there were others like me who grew up where I did and appreciated me for who I was and let me be myself without judging me. I owe those teachers and the Principle of that school more then I could ever pay back to them. I also owe the Blue Niles Rights of Passage because that program taught me to also appreciate being a "Strong Intelligent Black Man"! My cousin and I went to that program every damn Saturday for Nine months before we Both went through the "Passing Through" Ceremony that also had some shaping in my life. We had to memorize a creed, had to learn "Lift Every Voice and Sing", learn health and wellness, economic awareness, we had to wear a Dashiki and Kufi. It was the embodiment of appreciating your Blackness and not being ashamed of it. 

      Now there wasn't always a time in my life where I loved being Black the way I have for a very long time now. I use to not feel Black enough being aound other Black children because I was told "I speak too white". Now as ignorant and far from the truth as that may be; I can't even blame them for that, because they we raised to think that way. To lessen what it means to be Black, and make what greatness you have be so small because the world makes it seem like it's nothing. Look at the images on Television and the potrayal of Black Women and Black Men. That all Black people are lazy and all we do is live off of food stamps and collect goverment assistance. That every Black Man leaves his family and the Black woman has to be a father and mother to their children. That the Black Woman is loud and angry, and has major attitude issues. That Black Women and Black Men have many children from different mothers and fathers. That all Black Males are career criminals and sell drugs and go to prison. That all Black Men and Women have countless children but never get married. To make things even worse Complexion and Color amongst Black people are at an all time high, when we are ALL BLACK no matter the hue of our complexion. It just seems to me that throughout life we are programmed as Black children that we're all bad. That we won't be anything more then worthless. About four years ago I watched this documentary called "Dark Girls" that actually came out on November 11th 2011. To make a long story short this documentary discussed the deep rooted biased behaviors that Dark skin Women, outside and within American culture face on a daliy basis.  It broke my heart to see this documentary because I just wish that we showed each other the love and appreciation to one another that is deserved.

      I for one have and will ALWAYS WILL Love, Adore and Appreciate Black Women. Not only for their strength, but for their love and greatness that they hold. To see on the news that these Black women have been missing and there is no REAL news or out cry about it is extremely mind boggling. 
And what angers me more then anything else is the fact that this has been going on for this long and we are just now hearing about this? How I even found out what was going on was through my Social Media, then actually doing research about this issue, and finding out this goes back way farther then this year. To know that there actually is a Black Market where my whole entire body is up for sale and there are people out there that will pay top dollar for it is appalling and evil! 
So I am not suppose to protect and look out for Black Women when there is actually heinous things like this going on? To know that this is nothing new http://aggregatepress.org/organ-trafficking-melanin-theory-the-fountain-of-youth/ , and this type of ungodly shit is happening and no one seems to even bat an eye because it involves Black women. Why does it seem like whenever there is an issue involving Black people we are overlooked? Even this latest ad by Pepsi with Kendall Jenner; just adds more anger to what I already feel when it shows the respect people don't seem to have for Black women, or for the struggles Black people face on a consistent basis. 
       There is something that I want to leave you with no matter who you are; realize that Black people are and always will be an elite group of individuals, no matter what negative box you place us in. No matter the negative stigmas you loom us with or the hatred you show us because we love who we are.  It doesn't matter how many times you make us look bad or the falsified statics you continuously spew against us, we will ALWAYS RISE above it ALL! It matters not that you had us shackled in chains and made us slaves because slaves weren't on those ships. Kings, Queens, Judges, Lawyers, Scientist, Mathematicians, Artists, and Leaders of the Future were on those ships. No matter what labels you may place on Black People, remember we are here to stay. To shape this world and be the creators of a new tomorrow today. "I am so tired of waiting, Aren't you, for the world to become good and beautiful and kind? Let us take a knife and cut the world in two and see what worms are eating" -Langston Hughes

The Bravery in being Great

       I don't know, it's so hard to face this world not knowing exactly where you fit in all of it. All this chaos, it almost feels like you're in a burning room with nowhere to escape. That you're looking for that "light at the end of the tunnel"; but instead, all you continue to see is darkness all around. You lose all the motivation that you have. Nothing seems to be going right, you feel like you're of no use to anyone. And the only time you really do matter is when people are gaining something from you. I feel used, like I'm only beneficial when I have something that people need from me. I feel like a alien in a foreign world, and I don't really belong. I feel like I've lost more then I have gained. But what I have gained despite it all is something that I can't replace. I feel like defeat has made me stronger, and I realize that my time is coming. I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself; or even blame others for not getting what I deserve to have, even if they were the cause of my temporary downfall. You can't weigh greatness on a scale, the true value of that greatness lies on how you use it. As well as the lives that you affect. I use to try to base my success on how well others were doing at the time. Then I  began to realize that you can't. Why would I base my success on others when they won't be able to do what I CAN and WILL accomplish? Who I am to short-change myself? Who am I to even doubt my own greatness?

       See it's human nature to base all that you have and don't have by what others have. That's why when you eat something that is someone else's it seemingly tastes better. Or when you see someone who you believe is more successful, attractive or better then you are we tend to emulate that person. We feel that we are not as great without having that exact or similar trait or quality that person has. I feel that admiration is an inspiring delight. It is good to appreciate an individuals work ethic, what they have or even how they look. Just don't allow that to be the sole basis of how you may deem your own "success". We tend to seek out approval from people who truthfully aren't as great as we are even if we feel they are successful. Truthfully those that you look up to may not even be that great. Greatness isn't just about what you possess or what you have accomplished, it's also about how much you have helped others become great as well. We fall in love with how something seems to look, not really knowing everything about it. We even find ourselves trying to compare and contrast all that others have, when in reality what they have my be good for them but not great for you.

       I am learning more in my life that being "good" at something and being "Great" at something are two different things. Just because something looks good doesn't mean that it is. For example; someone that I befriended when I was younger, was and still is affiliated with very prominent music artists. In fact, I myself know countless individuals throughout all channels of successful avenues in many platforms. I just have never been the type of person to ride the wave of another's success and emulate it as my own. I would much rather prefer to do things my own way and get my "buzz" off the beat of my own drum. Anyway; I believed at some point in my life that this person was getting all types of "success", because they seemed to be able to get things that appeared unreachable to me. We actually know all the same mutual people, and we are in the same neighboring part (Harlem). I use to question my own greatness because it looked good to see them have all those successful people around. Seeing them in photos together and having these celebrities even vouch for this person. I wanted that for myself; but a part of me always felt like I didn't need to do it that way, because people would see how great I was in MY OWN TIME. See, we tend to forget that not every time is the right time, and the time for someone else's successes have no bearing on our own.

       We get so caught up in how good something else looks for someone else, that we lose sight of how great we will be. Moreover, this person relied heavily on how successful they were on the successes of the people who are already successful. To me that is a sure way of living in the shadows of others, and I am too great to allow myself to ever do that. I also didn't deceive people, or steal their ideas and fabricate them as my own as they have. They also only dealt with people and aligned themselves with those they saw potential in. Clinging on to them not because they sincerely believed in them or their visions, but to stay relevant through that individuals hard work and success. I have expounded on that to express, don't base anything off of how things appear. Don't fall in love with appearances, believe in yourself even when others don't. Believe in YOUR potential and NEVER doubt it. Just be yourself and the RIGHT people will align themselves with you. Stop trying to seek the approval of others and just aim for the highest plateau. Don't box yourself in EVER because even placing yourself in one is limiting your own potential.

       I researched how well this blog was doing since I first started this years ago; and even with me going on a hiatus for nearly a year, and not writing on this daily as I use to, I have had nearly 10,000 views on this blog internationally. I have even had people write back to me, even telling me that they don't like what I wrote or expressing an opinion on how much that they do love it. To me that means people find relevancy in what I write and I am appreciative of that. There is no such thing as overnight success, and stop trying to base what you feel success is on how others view it. Stay in your own lane and do it YOUR WAY, and I guarantee others WILL FOLLOW YOU! I believe in myself even if others do not. I have learned to celebrate myself even if others may not. One thing that I do know is I am on the road to greatness, and NO ONE will stop that for me. I am a work in progress, but my progression is paying off. Remember; "Anyone can be good at what they do, but it takes bravery to be great just when being good is enough"!

        

       

Farewell

I won't miss you; you brought great sorrow and pain, struggle and strain. Death and destruction, chaos and disfunction. I lost hope for you so long ago and I'm glad that you're leaving me. I rarely have a positive memory of you because you made life so difficult for me. You tried to break me any chance that you got and always tried to remind me of those things. There were a few laughs here and there but all in all you betrayed me. You not only hurt me but those that mean something to me. 

People lost family members because of you and themselves. You played on a lot of people's insecurities and you tried your hardest to make everyone suffer. You broke homes, caused people to turn against one another and you lied. You gave us false hope and you shattered dreams. You put me through a mental roller coaster ride and I'll NEVER be the same because of you. But despite it all I want to thank you. 

Thank you for showing me that I mean the world to myself. That my feelings matter, that I'm an asset to the lives of anyone that I'm around. Thank you for pushing me to my fullest potential. Thank you for causing me to believe in myself and not caring whether or not anyone else believed in me. Thank you for making me realize that I'm a man of great substance, that even with all that I've gone through I could accomplish ANYTHING! Thank you for the sorrow and pain, the struggle and strain, chaos and disfunction and even the destruction. 

I was able to get through it all and realize that I'm a decent man who's going to be EXTREMELY successful in 2017 and beyond! So Good Bye 2016; though I won't miss you, you gave me more then any other year did. Because you made me realize I'm more then worth it even when you tried to make me feel worthless!

My uninhabited Utopia

   I haven't be myself in a long time; I feel like I'm immune to pain, I have felt alone my entire life. I don't remember anything about being a child because that's something I want to forget. All I can relate to is pain. It's something I expect from people. I have been hurt my entire life. It all started with my father; a man that I use to fear, and someone that I loved with all my heart. How can someone who is suppose to protect you, be the one who you need protection from? How can a man beat and abuse his child? How is this love? I have tried to wrap my head around the concept of love my whole life, and have yet to genuinely feel it from anyone. Maybe it's because I've always tried to reach out and get love from people non-deserving of it. Even my union with woman of my past; only seemed to happen because the brokenness I saw in them, was what I was trying to save myself from. I felt like if I could save them from their pain, I could save myself. I thought by trying to have children with a woman; who never really received the love she was deserving of, could love me the way I believed I loved her.

     I thought maybe by her having children with me, we could love those children the way we never got love. But what I selfishly didn't think of was how that would affect the lives of those unborn children. That realistically it was the lust for love that brought them here and not a union of genuine love. I was so angry with GOD for taking my twins away that I vowed to hate him for eternity. I already felt like GOD allowed so much to happen to me throughout my life, the least he could do was allow me to be the father to those children that I NEVER had! But he took them away from me, and honestly I have never been the same since. Every time I see a baby it makes me think to myself how much of a great father I could have been. It pains me each and every time I see a child. 

    I feel like I've gotten so well at masking my pain that I just push people away. It's not even because I want to, I just do it to protect myself. It's just always seemed like each time I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, genuine, sincere and caring people have taken advantage of me. Even the one time I believed I would spend the rest of my life with a woman I felt like I gave EVERYTHING to could betray me. I am a living being, but parts of my have died along time ago. But everyday I breathe and wake up I feel like I have the opportunity to right all the wrongs. I feel like it's my job to discontinue a cycle of deep rooted hate. My father is the way he is because he couldn't let go of certain things. He was abused as a child and never even knew his real father. No one was there to guide him and teach him how to be a strong man, but to LOVE at the same time. 

    I do not excuse his actions, but I do realize that it's not fully his fault either. How can you teach a son to be who he is when he could never be who he wanted to be? My father never had a childhood because he had to raise his brothers and sisters. He was abused by a man who hated him because his mother loved his real father still. We don't even realize the importance of caring and loving for children. We never take into account as adults that our actions can and just may affect the future of that child. We don't realize or we blindly perceive things through altered emotions; that these children do become adults, and how we treat them may make or break who they are forever. 

    To be honest all I really wanted was to be loved; to be appreciated and cared for, to be wanted and accepted. The last straw for me was when I told my father that my twins had died. Mind you I haven't spoken to my father in YEARS; and the only reason he had gotten in contact with me was because he found out that my ex was pregnant, through a Facebook post she tagged me in with the pregnancy stick. One thing about my father is he has NEVER liked to be left out of things. Especially since my fathers side of the family seemed to know about this and he didn't. He's the one who contacted me; and I said to myself that even though he was a deadbeat father to my sisters and I, maybe he could be an even better grandfather to my children. I promised I wouldn't even utter to them about how much of horrible parent he was, just so these children could love him without prejudices of how he treated me. But all that changed when I called him over the phone and told him that the twins had died. All he said was "oh wow, really?" He then told me he would call me back and I NEVER heard from him again, and that was nearly two and half years ago. 

    About a few months later my father had a heart attack and was literally in the hospital across the street from where I live. I didnt even go see him, and as bad as this may be I didn't and still don't care. Parts of me feels like my father was let off easy just receiving a heart attack because he could heal from that. Meanwhile I've carried certain emotional and psychological baggage my whole life because of him. I still have severe trust issues because of this man. Yet I'm suppose to feel bad because he had a heart attack? Yes, I do honestly...However, we reap what we sow. Nothing we do goes unpunished by karma. You can't live your life harming others and altering their lives negatively and believe you'll still prosper. My father at the time was a police officer and gave my mother hell when they were married. Though he may have never beat my mother he verbally and psychologically abused her. Treated her bad and even cheated on her to the point of getting that woman pregnant with my sister I hardly even know. My mother was fully committed and loyal to a man who wasn't ever deserving of a piece of who she is. A remarkable, genuine, loving, caring, loyal, honest woman. 

    Is it wrong that I just want to be with a woman who loves me with all her heart? A woman who will never lie to me or betray me. Someone that I could build my life with and grow old together. A woman that I can have children with and marry. The type of love that would last an eternity and countless lifetimes. I want to be able to look her in the eyes everyday and know that her love is everlasting for me and my love is everlasting for her. There is NOTHING wrong with a man showing his emotions, it shows he's not only a man but a person with heart. My sisters have made me realize that a REAL MAN can still be fearless but be loving and show his emotions. Society has bred men to believe that he isn't a man if he cries or shows affection. That it makes him weak or invaluable if he shows love or compassion. But it is up to us to change that way of thinking, and realize that there is nothing wrong with any of that. Embrace who you are even if others don't accept it. 

   You can't be who you are fully without committing to being happy. Yea life can be tough at times, and yes there will be times when you're down or feel alone. But always remember that you're worth it, that you're important and you mean something. Realize that you're more then enough and that anyone's life you're in will make them a better person. Love yourself and even forgive yourself, don't dwell so much on what was but rather what is and what will be. You can never undo what what was done but you can do what needs to be done. Never lose track of your importance and always wear it like a banner. Lastly, Forgiveness is the next step into ushering a new utopia of happiness. Never lose sight of that and keep it embedded deep within yourself. Life's best lesson is to be happy even when it is a beautiful nightmare. Remember that even in the midst of chaos, your life shines bright to a beautiful tomorrow....Today!

Black Rose, in a Chaotic Wonderland

  I just want to me more, more then I thought I could ever be. Someone that I can be proud of. I take pride in the side that I show the world when I'm facing it. Everyday I feel like I fight to be respected. I'm tested, by my own people because I'm not even Black enough to be Black. I'm tested by White people that show me no matter how much my hue may be "light" I'll never be good enough to be white. And honestly I don't want be, you see because the king in me is Proud to be Black, and would not change it no matter how ugly the world makes me feel  for being it. 

  I am the Richest; Most Powerful, Influential Man the world has ever known. And the reason why the rest of this world hasn't seen it yet is because deep down I feel like I'll fail. And not because I will;  and not because I have, but because I realize that it's bigger then just me. I believe for those who are afraid to believe in something. I carry the burden of a Billion lashed Slaves who saw this day coming; when I could write freely and not worry about the consequences of wanting to be free, in a world where corruption wants me to be a mental slave. And though I have no shackles, I'm still just another nigger in the eyes of the world. That is my truth whether you believe it or not, and the news shows how much of an endangered species I'm becoming.

  How I can be gunned down by someone that my tax dollars pays for to "keep the peace". But how is it peace when I can't even just be...Be a man that just wants the best for himself and his family. Be a Man that enjoys his life; that has a future wife, and some kids that he loves and loves him back dearly. I just want to be the father to children, that love them more then my own father loved me. I want to be the grandfather my grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be proud of. Where I earned the right to be the example of what the world is really scared of about Black men...OUR GREATNESS! 

  I don't want to just be great for me, but for them. Do you know how hard it is to live in a world where people steal from you, steal your culture and then rename it and make it their own? For people to want the perks of being Black; but Black Lives only matter when it's taking their money to help people build homes, and properties and lands that they won't even be able to afford, because the system is intentionally rigged to make them fail? My soul cries seeing how the judicial system is only big business to keep Black Men as modern day slaves. Having us all in shackles; touching family through a two sided glass, knowing you may never see them again. Putting us in communities that the people in power have intentionally made difficult for Black People to excel in. Then mark us as criminals when we sell drugs to our community, but they're the ones who put it there in the first place. It's funny how people always say "lady justice" but always forget about the fact that that scale was NEVER meant to be in OUR favor to begin with. 

  Where's the justice when there are little girls and boys barely out of elementary school being slaughtered just for being Black? Where is that justice when Black Women; who are the most powerful beings GOD has ever blessed us with, are being assassinated by the police in custody for crimes they didn't even commit? Where is the justice when Black men are put in prison for most of their lives, only to later find out he never committed the crime in the first place? I ask; where is the justice when a young white male can rape a girl, get only less then 3 months in prison, then still get time served because "prison would be too harsh for him"? 

  Yet this world has the audacity to say "ALL MEN CREATED EQUALLY"? Equal how? You mean 3/5th of a man equal? You mean Jim Crow and Rockerfeller Drug Law equal? You mean clutch your purse when you see me equal? I have yet to benefit from any type of reparation; yet everyone else who isn't Black has received one, yet I'm equal? It's sad when you have to have "the talk" with your children, and the conversation has everything to do with survival and not being murdered by the police. How can you ever make me feel equal when most of the people being murdered are Black Men, Women and even our children?  It hurts, and that pain runs deeper then the abyss. These are the thoughts I have in my head; the constant battle of the brain, yet I STILL BELIEVE! 

   I believe for those ancestors of my past who paved the way for me. Believe for the future me that knows that he has to believe, because who else will believe in US if WE don't?  I'm not just some nigger; I'm a man, more then 3/5th of one. I'm the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm the brighter future in the midst of all the chaos. I am the success story when the world tried to write me off. And I WILL SUCCEED; because I believe my purpose is far beyond riches and wealth, but the preservation of a future many slaves fought so hard for me to have. I owe it to them and to myself, because I don't have the luxury to quit. Believe even no one else believes, then achieving will be the easy part....

(BELIEVE) (IN) (YOU)R DREAMS!

     This is just something to encourage those that need it. For the people that have lost all hope for each and everything in their lives. This is for the people who dream big, and feel like things aren't coming along the way they wanted them to. Lets be honest, life can be VERY hard and difficult to get through sometimes. Of course you're alive and people tell you not to complain because things could always be worse, but that doesn't erase the fact that you want things to change. It doesn't change the fact that you may feel like things will never work in your favor, and you're just tired of failures and disappointments. You're feeling alone, and in your mind there is no one that is going through what you are. 

     I'm here to say that there is a host of individuals out in this world dealing with the same issues you may be going through. As big as this world is someone at this very moment wants change, and what you may not realize is their situation is much more difficult then your own. Now this doesn't negate how you feel, or mean you don't have the right to be frustrated or upset. I'm just saying keep moving forward and trying your very best, no matter how you're feeling or what everyone else thinks. The people we admire the most or aspire to be like, didn't get to where they are by feeling sorry for themselves, or give into a defeated mentality. They gave every inch of their very being until they couldn't give anymore.

      Life was never meant to be easy, if it was then there would be no such thing as success stories. We couldn't inspire anyone else to be better, because we would all have everything in our lives together. But since that's definitely not the case; it's your job to not only keep trying, but to encourage yourself. Appreciate who you see in the mirror, love them, and support them even when no one else will. I guarantee that once you do that internally, externally you'll pour out what you believe. Success wasn't built overnight, so don't expect it to happen that way. Instead keep trying, even when you're worried and want to give in. Just believe in your dreams, and everyone else will follow suit and believe in them also. Remember there is no such thing as a loser, there is only such a person who lost momentarily to go back and win the next time.

THE BLACK SON RISE

   Who do I go to when I have my moments of being vulnerable? Feeling like things aren't sorting out the way I want them to, even when I pray and attempt to be as optimistic as possible. I already know that life isn't always smiles and giggles, but it has to be way more then what I'm getting now. I look at people around me who do nothing but evil and they get EVERYTHING. It appears like they live a carefree life full of happiness and prosperity while I seem to work hard for nothing. I honestly want to give up constantly because it seems like there's just no use in trying. The more trying I endeavor to do it seems like I fall deeper into my own abyss of sorrows and pain. I have the option to either keep on trying or just give up right then and there. But is giving up the easier part or is it the part of sticking with it the hardest?

   Most people will NEVER understand how it feels to be a Black Male in America unless you are one already. It doesn't matter whether you're successful, or not. When people see you you're already placed in a box of failure, drugs, violence, incarceration or being a dead beat father. What's even more sad is the fact that all of these situations have plagued the African American community seemingly forever. You turn on the television, read it in news paper, even by word of mouth you hear something about someone you know having been apart of each situation. It saddens me to know that people give up on black males like there's just no hope for US. 

   Then again, just because you have fallen deep into any or every one of those situations, it doesn't mean the end. I believe that God places us in certain situations to not only prove we can endure, but to show others it can be done. I believe that individuals find it a lot easier to judge and categorize people instead of giving them a sense of hope. A part of me doesn't believe that black males who face those issues constantly want to be where they are. I believe fear and even settling causes them to be where they are, but it isn't anyone else's place to judge. The reason I can express it the way that I have is because I am a Black Man, and I feel like God has the FINAL say in where anyone winds up going in life. Society has no right to give anyone an eternal mark, but they do it anyway.

    I think that after awhile it's human nature to judge people. It becomes the very fabric of an individuals being sometimes. However, statistics don't automatically mean failure unless you take it on internally. We have the capability to change ANYTHING if we believe within ourselves it can be changed. People should base individuals individually but they don't, and why is that? I believe; because deep down inside, they themselves are facing their own demons they constantly battle. Life is an ever changing situation, which means that people can change also. 

   Just like there are failures, there are situations of success and triumphs. I believe you have to dig deep within yourself and encourage yourself even if others don't. You MUST face life, and you don't always have to accept things for what they are either. Just as certain as the moon will rise when night falls, there's a chance for a brighter tomorrow. Believe when no one else does and achieve because it's your God given right to do so. There's a reason why God called us sons, because we have just as much power to change this world and rise to the pinnacle as the Sun rises in the morning. 

Baby Girl

    Funny I thought about you today, thought I would check up on you to make sure that you were alright. I wanted to call you and just hear your voice. Just look into your eyes while I rub on your face and kiss you softly on your lips. Embrace the warmth of your body and proceed to express what you mean to me. Your beauty as radiant as the night sky while the moon is full. Your laugh so contagious, I just miss the way you sound. If I could have this moment for eternity I would be the happiest man in the world. But that's just what you do for me, make me forget all about the problems of this world. This love I have for you reminds me why I'm alive.

    This reminds me that all that I have EVER endured in my life was worth it because of this moment I'm able to share with you now. This reminds me why any other woman that hurt me and broke me down emotionally can be forgiven because you taught me how to love again. You make me feel like I can be myself and never have to be someone that I'm not. This is the highest I've ever felt without even taking drugs. Baby Girl YOU are my drug. I Love You and I'm willing to tell you this for the rest of my life and everyday if I have to. GOD blessed my life when he sent me you. You make me feel alive because you are my heart. If love had a definition it would be the physical picture of what you and I have. The way you put your makeup on every morning and effortlessly enhance your beauty without even trying. GOD saved you just for me when you entered my life. I knew that I wanted you to be my wife for the rest of my life when I saw you. 

    Baby you make me feel strong when I'm weak. You lift me up when this world tries their best to tear me down. You are my voice of reason when I feel like I'm about to do something crazy. The day I get on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage; that will be the second best decision I made in my life, because the first one was when I gave you my heart. This is what I feel, and this is the limitless unconditional love I've yearned to have for you baby girl. I can't even stay mad at you when you upset me because you are my love. You are my soul; the bright light at the end of the tunnel, you're the cherry on top like a great ending to your favorite movie. When we make love I put my all into it because you mean everything to me.

     I want my body to express that unlimited love I have for you. I don't just love you girl, but I'm In Love with you. I want to grow old with you, have some kids with you and hold your hand in the rain. I don't even mind being vulnerable with you because you genuinely have my back. So to sum it all up; this is what I feel for you girl, it will NEVER change. To that FUTURE woman of my life, wherever in this world you may be right now, just know that I Love you.......

I met Heaven when my world was Hell

           Kind of in my feelings tonight; I'm here reminiscing on the "past", and how much I miss how things use to be. How much I miss missing you and how much I love LOVE. I've come to grips that I'm just a sensitive, fearless, aggressive, outgoing, loving, giving man. There's nothing wrong with that whatsoever...I've tried my best to stay away from being who I am to build on having people appreciate who I'm not. I feel like I've brainwashed myself from being who I truly am and really excelling to my highest peak. I've done this for so many years because I was trying to figure out who I was. Trying to be a "thug" because I associated with people who did things, which in turn made me do those things to be accepted. I thought being a "player" was important because I was scared to give love due to seeing how women treated the "nice guy". The bad boy was the accepted one, the guy who every man wanted to be and every woman wanted. I've been so many types of Dee's but not the Dee that is ME.....

             At this point in my life I'm beyond happy, I have a job that I can see myself being apart of even when I have my own companies. I love myself and accept myself and appreciate myself even if no one else does. I believe in my own potential even if no one else does. Do I want to have a life where I have a wife and a few kids? Of course I do, that's something I've always wanted. My ex whom I was with nearly with for two years, made me want my own family when I thought she and I would be together forever. She has a daughter whom I still love and think about; who I want to still take care of and watch her grow up, take her to the prom and walk her down the aisle. I never thought that I could ever love a child this much and not even share the same bloodline as them. How I want to be apart of her life this bad but don't want to deal with this child because I was hurt deeply by her mother. It's something how you can love and care for a seed that really isn't yours; but she is yours because you took care of her, even if it was just for a short time. I pray that one day I can still be in this child's life on some level just so she'll know that I love her and I'm her daddy still even if she wasn't someone I helped bring to this world.

        I didn't mind being the father to her that I never had. And no I'm not with her mother; and I wish nothing but the very best for her, and no I may not be this child's biological father but I still want what's best for her.  And I'll admit at times I didn't always do or say the right things when it came to that child, but I took on the role of being a father and guardian even if it wasn't my responsibility to take on in the first place. But I'm a MAN and a MAN takes care of all that is his, even if in the end he's treated badly despite him trying so hard. I'm proud of the man that I've accepted in the mirror, I feel like a real individual and not a carbon copy of someone I'm not. GOD allowed me to endure much to have me give even more. The worst thing that a man can do is not be who he is because he believes being someone he's not will have others accept him. The last thing that I will admit is I still care partly even if I don't feel the same I use to about my ex. That's unfortunately the caring nature in me always wanting the best for others even if they don't or haven't for me.

         At this point all I really would like is a woman who loves me for me; appreciates and adores me, believes in me and stays by my side. Realize that as strong and fearless as I am I do have vulnerable moments. I'm not weak because I care, it makes me a coward if I'm fearful of showing love when GOD is love. I will make mistakes and maybe even hurt you. But I'll NEVER not give my all because that's just not who I am not to. Whoever my future Mrs. Is just know you will be the luckiest woman in the world; and not just because I'll spoil her with my love, affection, gifts and protection, but that I love her because I first learned to love myself first....

Quiet Space

It’s interesting how the people that “Love you” are the ones who hurt you the most. How they cut so deep; to the very core of your being, to the point that they can make you feel like nothing. These are the people who teach you how to be insecure about yourself. The ones who remember all the bad you’ve done but only temporarily speak of your good. These are the people that you call “family” the ones you call “friends” the ones who you would do ANYTHING for even if they treated you bad. As I think about it, we don’t learn about betrayal and heartache & pain from the outside world yet, we learn all of that AFTER we have experienced it in the quiet spaces of our little world within....

And the prize is Loyalty

   It's interesting how so much can change within a year. Old friends become aquantances; people who you never thought you would associate with become life long friends, and your circle becomes as small as a Cheerio. My mother use to tell me all the time if I had at least a full hand of people I could count on, I was a truly blessed individual. Each time my mother use to tell me that I would find myself annoyed by that statement. And I didn't realize how important those words would be in my life until I got much older. The people I grew so fond of would be the people who left me at my darkest hour. Those were the people that turned their backs on me when I needed them the most. I find that we tend to push those who mean us well to the side; because in our minds, we know they'll always be there. We realize that no matter how bad we may treat them they will stay by our side; and with that way of thinking, we will find ourselves alone. If you don't believe me then try it and see what will happen.

 

    I've always taken pride in the fact that I'm a loyal person; that in someone's darkest hours in their lives I would be there for them, to constantly be there whenever they needed me to be. How I learned so quickly that people don't necessarily do for you what you may do for them. What may be 110% that you invest in someone that person may just literally give you 10% and expect you to just be fine with that. Now if we're talking numbers and figures amount, that would totally be dissatisfying. But if I'm going to be honest that's exactly what I've probably accepted from people before. I feel like when you're a person who's got a lot of loyalty within yourself you tend to just give of yourself without a thought of thinking about what your own best interests are. You shut down all feelings and emotions that have anything to do with you and tend to take on the problems and issues of those you care about. When in reality for a lot of people; those you invest so much time and energy into, 9/10 times will do whatever is best for themselves without even thinking about you. And for some (including myself) that has been a disheartening truth to come to grips with whether you want to or not.

    The sad truth is people probably won't give a damn about you the way you probably will when it's them, especially if you're an extremely loyal person. Realistically in a lot of scenarios you may be the one who gives more then someone else does. But that doesn't make you stupid or dumb for being who you are. I've always believed that life has a funny way of just changing the rules we play in life. What I mean by that is for awhile you may be the one on the receiving end of continuous disappointments from people who don't value you or what you bring to the table. They may even take advantage of your good nature and use you every chance that they get. You've just got to remember that life has a way of shifting the favor. Those that find it ok to use and manipulate you will definitely get back that karma they've put into the atmosphere. 

      There is not a soul on this earth that has a conscience and understands the difference between right and wrong, that won't get back what they have given out. I tend to always make my mother and sisters laugh when I say "the ass you kick today may be the ass you have to kiss tomorrow". I feel like nobody really thinks about that when they are treating a person the way they wouldn't want to be treated. I feel like people have that "it won't be me" mentality. LORD knows I've gotten my share of necessary karma back from all the things I've done to others. It's human nature to mess up, but the adult thing to do is to rectify what you've done. You can't be strong and wrong and stand firm in your wrongness, life doesn't work that way.

    All I will say is this, be the type of person to others that you would want others to be to you. Treat people with the respect and decency we ALL deserve to have given to us. Loyalty is a powerful  thing and you should appreciate it. When you've got someone who's loyal don't take them for granted. Just remember that when karma comes she's coming to right all the wrongs that were done, and I'm for certain you don't want to be on her list of deeds she may have to rectify. Just something for you to think about it....

The Alien's Enlightenment

My mood heartless; and not because I'm hurt about anything, it's just that I have no need for my heart because my soul is in it, which means I'm already all the way in. The happiness that overwhelms me couldn't change even if you wanted it to. Live, life and love the skin you're in even if others are uncomfortable with their own. Long nights and early mornings that turn into forever, and it feels like an eternity I've been missing. I'm even better then I was before without the need to feel like I need someone to complete me. I was already complete, but it would be nice to have an added bonus. I live carefree like tonight was my last night, and on my bucket list was this happiness I always seemed to seek but never found. Moments like the ones I have now can be repeated every night if I wanted to. I love me and others do too. And not because of the need of love, the love is already there willingly. Nothing forced...it just all comes naturally now. I wake up everyday expecting a new adventure and the universe doesn't disappoint. This is the euphoria that I've been missing? Smiling everyday for no reason at all. Having people appreciate me for me while I uplift myself. I'm the Derrick that I've always said I would be; no I'm not, I'm even more! A constant smile painted on my face permanently and I'm content with that. No muse but it's bound to happen. You don't have to understand me; because I finally understand who I am, and who I'm destined to be will be even more then what I anticipated, and expected to be. I did that without feeling the need to seek revenge or relating out of hurt to prove that I've moved on to bigger and better things and people. I WAS hurt but I AM NOT ANYMORE! No more sad posts of uncertainty of self worth because I'm more then worth it. My suave and unmatched charming personality; with a combination of a humbled demeanor, intertwined with my intelligence and leadership qualities, has made me realize that I'm a work in progress but I'm evolving. Changing for the RIGHT reasons and not for reassurance from those uncertain of who they themselves are. I'm an Alien, someone that's not like others and I'm content with that. I'm me and I appreciate you, but why not continue to change for the better. Even now I'm smiling as I write this because I feel at peace. I use to feel bad that I was always able to find the good in those that found it so easy to find the bad in me. But you know, sometimes it takes you to relearn who you are. Accept what has happened, Appreciate the lessons you have learned and Ascend above the status quo of those that put you in a box. How can you listen to those who are too afraid to believe to go after what they believe if they don't even believe in themselves? Which is why I continue to believe....

I Grind

I grind everyday like it's going to be my last day on earth 

I grind like  I'm going to be as broke as I was a few months ago

I grind for my future that won't be handed to me by anyone just because I want it

I grind like the world is against me

I grind because my ancestors fought for me to be able to be all that I deserve to be

I grind because my family believes in me even though this society stamps me as a criminal & I've never even been to prison

I grind for my future wife and kids so they can be proud of me and love me the way I've always wanted 

I grind for the man I use to be; because despite losing what he felt was everything, he would change everything around him

I grind because I can't afford not to be successful 

I grind because life won't give me handouts and feel sorry for me because my father was never there for me, I'm my OWN MAN

I grind because I will leave the kind of legacy that will shape and change the way this world will be forever

I grind because I can't afford to stop

I grind because my billions of dollars I've earned will give opportunities to Black Children that this society hates so much

I grind because I love myself enough to believe in me even no one else does

I grind because I want to be successful more then anything else

I grind because I see myself sitting at the head of my multi-billion dollar companies building futures for generations to come

I grind because GOD has ordained me to be a leader even when I use to not want to be one

I grind because I can't slow down my momentum because the road to success is a long one, and I can't afford to stop even if I'm tired

I grind because there were people that made me feel like I could never be the man I finally am

I grind because I love myself enough to love me even if the woman I was in love with left me

I grind because you can't seek love from everyone else if you can't fully love yourself first

I grind because I can't be everything to everyone else and be nothing to myself 

I grind because even though this society doesn't believe in me my success will speak for itself 

I grind to escape from being fine with complacency

I grind because my mind is my greatest weapon and standing in the midst of any adversity I will conquer it

I grind because one day when I'm an old man; sitting on my terrace looking out to the ocean that I own, sitting and watching my grandchildren play and my wife right beside me, I'll remember all what I faced to get what I have. To leave the legacy I always knew I would leave. And when my children bury me after living a VERY LONG LIFE; I would want them to remember that despite all I have, I was able to leave them all I had, because I grind....